DarrenBarefoot.com

Are There 15 Doctors on Board?

An amusing story from CNN:

A flight in the United States proved lucky for a British woman who suffered a heart attack. Fifteen heart specialists, all bound for a medical conference in Florida, stood up to offer help when a cabin attendant asked: "Is there a doctor on board?"

Col' Mountain

Earlier this week, I saw Col' Mountain. I call it that because no one--for everyone is affecting a North Carolina accent--in the film appears able to pronounce the 'd' in the title. Speaking of the cast, check out the cultural mosaic who are the leads:

• One Australian
• Two Brits
• One Canadian
• One Israeli
• One Irishman
• Three Americans

All playing 19th century American pioneers in a film shot mostly in Poland.

The film was certainly epic in scope, and nice to look at. Renee Zellweger was fantastic--she is that rare Hollywood A-list actor who is willing to take risky roles. While the whole cast (including surprising, small turns from Giovanni Ribisi and Philip Seymour Hoffman) was very good, they were dwarfed by the scope of the landscape and story.

For me, the most striking feature of Col' Mountain is its remarkable similarity to The English Patient, another film from Anthony Minghella. Consider the following parallels:

• A star-studded, international cast
• A lengthy film on a massive scale, where characters are victims of their environment
• The story takes place in a country at war
• The futility of that war is a major theme.
• There are lovers separated by vast distances
• These lovers correspond, and the man stores these correspondances in a book that is his most prized posession.
• The leading female character is a fish out of water in a land with which she's unfamiliar.

There's one more major similarity, but it's a major plot spoiler. Click the link below to read it at your own risk (SPOILER AHEAD):

You've been warned:

• The film ends tragically, with one of the lovers dying.

Link Round-Up: Images

Pictures of things that sound dirty but aren't:

• This guy collects photographs of women and dogs. "This photo is ruined slightly by the man. But the woman is looking at the dog and not the man which is good. In the cabinet behind her there is a china dog of some description. It may be a dalmatian."
• The Inflatable Museum.
• A huge collection of nurses.
• Young people in knitwear.
• A big fanzine gallery.

Admittedly, those last couple don't really sound that dirty. I kind of ran out of steam.

Relinquishing Drapery for Nature's Garb

An interesting article on possibly the first nude scene ever shot:

Most of Muybridge's nude female models were recruited from the core of Pittsburgh prostitution. I'm not sure which one was filmed first, but here are four of his compositions from the 1884-1886 period. One of those may be the first nude scene ever filmed. Certainly the tricolored one is the first example of a single scene filmed from multiple angles with several cameras.

Caution, tiny, grainy, black and white animated GIFs of nude women carrying buckets upstairs ahead. Unsafe for work if you're a typesetter from 1890.

Michelle Branch on the Cover of Maxim

Michelle Branch, a folk-rock singer of some note, is appearing on the cover of Maxim next month. This has caused some consternation among her fans, who thought she'd be above using her (fetching) body to sell CDs. I guess they hadn't seen this Cartier ad, where she's using her face to sell watches and so forth. I'm reminded of some fine lyrics by the venerable Neil Young:

I ain't singing for Pepsi
I ain't singing for Coke
I ain't singing for nobody
Makes me look like a joke

But selling out really isn't my point. After all, everybody from Bob Dylan to Moby has sold out these days--it's par for the course.

I'm more interested in Michelle Branch's butt crack.

You see, on the (big, barely safe for work image ahead) Maxim cover, we see that Ms. Branch appears to have the shortest ass in the history of buttology. This is only noteworthy because if you look at (smaller, but no more or less safe for work) this photo, originally from the Maxim Web site (I think), she's got a normal dimple at the top of her short shorts. You can only draw one conclusion:

They Photoshopped her butt crack out.

Butt why (hee, hee)? Are American magazine standards such that that (lovely) inch of canyon makes the cover too raunchy? Who sets and evaluates these standards (because I want on that sub-committee)?

Alternately, maybe the designers at Maxim thought she was more attractive without it? In a butt-centric culture like ours--Jennifer Lopex, 'Baby Got Back', 'I like Big Butts', etc--why say no that bit of crack?

I may be obsessing here, but it piqued my interest. Incidentally, for my money, Ms. Branch is a lousy lyricist and, judging by her first album, only appears to know six chords.

Speaking of the Arts

Check out this poorly-formatted list from ABC News. It shows state arts funding for 2003 and 2004. Given Governor Schwarzneggar's ouevre, it is hardly surprising that they're cutting their funding by 90% (to a mere $1.9 million), the highest cuts across the nation. The nation as a whole (thanks no doubt to the Bush administration, terrorism paranoia and invading Iraq) is down 23%. Mind you, all the states combined only contribute $272 million to the arts. That's less than a dollar a person. I wanted to compare this with Canada, which probably isn't much better, but couldn't easily find the relavent provincial funding stats.

I'd like to see a chart that shows arts funding over time, indicating Democratic and Repulican terms in power. I'll bet it's a roller coaster ride. I guess all of those California artists will be emigrating to Mississippi, one of the few states with an increase.

John Perry Barlow

Former Grateful Dead lyricist and co-founder of the EFF John Perry Barlow has a weblog (and, may I respectfully observe, attractive daughters). I've always admired Barlow's writing, and in particular this fine essay from 2000 in Wired magazine: The Next Economy of Ideas. It is a sequel of sorts to The Economy of Ideas from 1994. The former article made a big impact on my thinking about intellectual property, copyright and making art. I had an epiphany when, two-thirds of the way through the essays, he states "Art is a service, not a product." Every artist and consumer of art ought to read this piece.

The Future Doesn't Need Us (Just the Internet)

Jay Currie, one of the few conservatives I've found on the Web who isn't a complete nutter, had some thoughts on the future of the Internet. I posted a comment there, but as my thinking got out of hand, I'll repost it here:

I first encountered the term 'Internet-addled memory' a few months ago. I've already forgotten where. I think this will be a real issue with our children, and have a potentially transformative effect on education. How will you convince children that they have to memorize facts (particularly obscure ones) when they literally have them at their fingertips.

Particularly amongst well-off, well-educated people, conversations and debates will be constantly punctuated by references to handheld devices, or, later on, specialized glasses, or, later still, Internet access points embedded in their optic nerves.

Obviously, this already happens online. I've been a member of the Vancouver Canucks USENET group for nearly a decade. Over the years, debates have increasingly become riddled with statistics and quotes. Why? Because the Web has made it possible.

Generally, many trends that begin online end up in the real world. Take 'texting'--an enormous phenonmenon among the youth of Europe and a growing one here. It's just IRC on your mobile phone, but it started online. Smart mobs, the real-world conglomeration of people with a common interest, is obviously reflected in Internet forums and newsgroups.

Each generation is exponentially more visually-literate than the last. We are the last generation who will be told 'not to waste the film in the camera'. Digital cameras, phone cams, digital video--they all empower people to make and manipulate images. What would Renoir make of a Fark Photoshop contest? The Internet (and associated technologies) has done for the painter and the photographer what movable type did for the writer--made it a popularist art form.

I have no doubt that my 9-month-old nephew will, in 15 years, be able to produce a film that convincingly stars him and his friends anywhere, at anytime. And he'll distribute instantly, to everybody, on the Web (or whatever they call it).

But back to the original question: When facts are free and instantly accessable, what and how do you teach kids? How do you impart the value of knowledge in you mind? I've got no idea, because I think that value is declining.

Incidentally, the title is a play on Bill Joy's controversial and compelling Wired article.

My First eBay Auction Update

As I mentioned, I'm selling my first thing ever on eBay this week. I was kind of skeptical about how it would work out, but so far so good. I've had 8 bids, and the price has moved from the original $28.99 up to $44.18. Nice one.

Top Ten War Movies

MSN features a list of the top ten war movies of all time. In truth, I haven't seen some of the older movies, so I can't really evaluate their decisions. I do concur that Full Metal Jacket and Saving Private Ryan should be in the top ten, and that Apocalypse Now should be first. I might have added Bridge on the River Kwai and Platoon to my list.

On sites like this, I always assume that they have a strategic reason for running this article. Are they going to be partnering with a studio to release some new box set soon? Are they promoting a new war movie? Maybe I'm just cynical.

False Creek Geek: Understanding Google

My latest column for the Yaletown View. My geekier readers will be familiar with Google's many powers, but others may not:

Everybody knows about Google. Even great-grandmothers who have never touched a computer are vaguely familiar with the ubiquitous search engine. You know you’ve made it big as a brand when your name gets converted to a verb (see also Xerox and Fedex). Though millions of people use that simple search box at Google.com every day, there’s a lot more behind Google than you might think.

Founded by Larry Page and Sergey Brin at Stanford University, nine years ago, Google has grown from a school project (called BackRub, for its ability to analyze the ‘back links’ pointing to a given site) to a 1000-person company that indexes more than 3 billion Web pages, and enables users to search in 35 languages, including Icelandic, Hebrew and Estonian.

But on to the site itself. Here are a few tricks for basic searches:

• To improve your search results, put quotation marks around exact phrases you want to find. For example, searching for native art returns 4,230,000 results. But if you search for “native art”, you’ll get more accuracy from 37,200 results.
• To search for pages that exclude a particular term, use a minus sign. For example, if you’re looking for information on London, Ontario, you might want to search for London Ontario –England.
• You can also access image, old-school USENET newsgroup and breaking news (http://news.google.ca/) searches off the Google front page.

That’s really just the tip of the iceberg—Google is a very powerful search tool. The Christmas season is here, so you might want to comparison shop for a product. Try out Froogle (http://froogle.google.com), Google’s product search engine. The results are in American dollars and American stores, but it’s still a pretty useful site. Additionally, check out Google Catalogs (http://catalogs.google.com/cathp), where Google has scanned and made searchable thousands of popular product catalogs.

The fun continues with Google Zeitgeist (a German word meaning ‘the ideas prevalent in a period and place’), a page (http://www.google.ca/press/zeitgeist.html) which describes patterns and trends in search results. What people search for tells us a great deal about them. For example, John Ritter and Johnny Cash were #3 and #5 respectively among the top Canadian search queries in September, 2003. To our national shame, Canadian Idol, was number #2 and Toronto Maple Leafs was number #8.

Those are a few of the secrets behind Google’s innocent façade. And that’s just what’s available from the company. Google has wisely provided programmatical access to their search engine, so that others can build technology based on Google. This has resulted in hundreds of useful new applications, including Google by email (http://www.capescience.com/google/) or easy searching by date. If you’re interested in learning more about these technologies, I recommend Tara Calishain’s Google Hacks, a book of 100 tips, tricks and scripts.

Good searching!

URL of the Week: www.piggingassnppsa.com

That's right, that's the Pigging Ass NPPSA. I lie. In truth, it's the Pigging Products and Services Association, whose mandate is "to promote the knowledge and practice of pipeline pigging, and to ensure that the Members are aware of the needs of the markets for the related products and services, by providing a channel of communication between the Members themselves and the users and other interested parties."

Who knew that such a thing existed. This appears to be an irony-free zone, so I don't think they recognized the snicker-worthiness of their Web address. I found this site while search for information about PPSA.

In America

I've just returned from In America, a charming, innocent and very personal film by Irish director Jim Sheridan. It tells the story of a young Irish family who, having recently suffered a tragedy, start a new life in America. It's one of the better written films I've seen in some time. The dialogue is natural but sparse, and the movie's structure is seamless. It's one of those rare films where the story actually benefits from the narration.

The acting, as well, was extraordinarily natural and subtle. The two leads--Paddy Considine and Samantha Morton--shine as young parents putting on a brave face for their children. In Morton's case, especially, you can sense the profound sadness that lies behind every forced grin. Like Helena Bonham Carter, Morton plays tragedy very well--I can't think of a more naturally melancholic actress. I haven't seen her in anything that asks something different of here, and would like to.

The Bolger sisters play the daughters, and are central to reinforcing the movie's theme of the invulnerability and insight of childhood. They're both excellent, but in markedly different ways. I've always had a theory that young children don't go through the intellectual process of acting the way adults do. They just make believe convincingly. This isn't a criticism--in fact, we often get extremely genuine performances out of small children because that veil of self-awareness hasn't descended on them. It's like they're acting before the Fall. This is true of 6-year-old Emma, while 10-year-old Sarah seems to have made the leap to adult acting.

The film is set in New York, but you'd never know it. I have disdain for films which waste time depicting 'New Yorkness'. You know the drill--skyline, Central Park, drug dealer, skyline, grumpy ethnic taxi driver, street vendor, skyline, Korean store owner, skyline. If you're not Woody Allen or Spike Lee, these sequences just become tiresome and wrote. Fortunately, Sheridan avoids these cliches.

He may do so because the film is set in 1982, but you'd never know it. Early in the film, as the kids stare wide-eyed out the window at Times Square, it's got a decidedly 2002 look about it. The costume design, as well, seems overly modern.

My only other complaint is about the subplot, which features (as another writer put it) a Magic Negro. Djimon Hounsou is an excellent actor, but his scenes seemed a touch trite and forced.

These are, however, minor complaints about a film that brilliantly renders a family's struggle to cope with tragedy and the American immigrant experience.

I Got Almost Nothing for Christmas

This is hopefully the last time I mention this subject for at least 11 months. As you may recall, I sent an email to my friends and relatives that read as follows:

As some of you know, I've been doing some thinking recently about Christmas gifts. The truth is, I've got everything I need. Furthermore, I can't speak for everyone, but I find Christmas shopping a pretty heinous experience.

So, this year, here's what I propose: If you haven't already bought me a Christmas present, please take whatever money you were going to spend on me and donate it to my charity of choice, the David Suzuki Foundation. If nobody minds, I'd like to do likewise for the charity of your choice. Please let me know what that charity is, and I'll start writing cheques. Merry Christmas!

Unexpectedly, I caught plenty of flak for this from the older generation. However, I'm pleased to report that (aside from a cool vintage movie poster from my wife), I walked away from most Christmas gatherings with only a stack of cards to show for it. Likewise, most of the people on my list picked charities for me to give to. They ranged from Botswanan bushmen to the Salvation Army. Nice one.

The Best of Everything

Fimoculous offers this lengthy list of the best of everything in 2003. It covers a broad range of topics, from 2003 Great American Beer Festival Winners to Fashionistas & Flops of 2003. It provides a peculiar picture on the last twelve months, and one could easily waste a day's vacation following the links.

TravelPod

One of the things that the Internet does best is offer sites that store information about you. These sites, whether they're Book Crossing or YMDB, are engaging and enjoy longevity because the content is generated by many users, instead of one or two over-worked people prone to burnout.

The latest one I've discovered is TravelPod, with the dubious tagline "the stuff eTravelogues are made of..." (why the elipses?). It's an excellent idea--a central clearing house for people who want to post their travel diaries and photos online and enable others to access them. For example, my old friend Julie is traveling to Australia with her husband and two children.

Of course, this is pretty much what a weblog will do for you. However, there is value in having all of this information in a central repository. For example, I'm going to South Africa next spring. Here are 27 first-person accounts of travels within that country. Collectively, they'll provide a pretty unique perspective.

Paycheque...er...Paycheck

After reading this article on Philip K. Dick and seeing the trailers, I was curious to see Paycheck. With movies like BladeRunner, Total Recall and Minority Report, Dick has posthumously become a sub-genre in Hollywood. Despite Ben Affleck in the leading roll and the lamest movie poster in recent history, I was optimistic.

I should have stayed home, gotten drunk on nog and rum and stared at the wall. It would have been more rewarding.

In one of the fim's early scenes, Affleck fitness trains with a wooden staff. This is deeply unwise, as it only invites comparisons on whose performance is stiffer--Ben's or the staff. Were he practicing at the beach, there might also be a battle for shallowest acting, but enough said. The staff, of course, returns near the film's climax so that Ben (despite being a straight-laced, tie-wearing engineer) can wallop several dozen henchmen. Not since Tom Cruise's gymnastics routine in The Firm have I seen a more obvious physical skill setup and pay-off. While her character has little to do but squeal and duck, the usually reliable Uma Thurman seems to play down to Affleck's level. The usual suspects in the supporting cast--the side kick, the villain, the right-hand man.

The plot is utterly predictable. I won't reveal too much, but suffice it to say that there are few plot twists, and comatose four-year-old could guess at the outcome.

This film is, accidentally, an illustration of Steven Spielberg's talent. It has a similar story and scope to Minority Report, but this movie falls short in every way. The casting, the story-telling, the cinematography, the style--it all falls short. Most disappointing is the Paycheck's 'futureness'. Minority Report has exceptional future hightech style, with all of its innovations and gadgets molding into a plausible futurescape. This film can't even offer gadgets. Basically, it's set in a future that looks, feels and works exactly like today, except for the technology that are plot devices. This shows a shameful lack of creativity.

In short, just go rent Bladerunner. It's twenty years old but has more style and character in its opening sequence than this entire film can muster.

Slashdotters Report on Christmas Gifts

An entertaining Slashdot thread (how rare is that?) about the weirdest presents they received. Highlights include:

• An Aragorn-and-Legolas calendar
• Mandrake Linux
• An autobiography by Christian golfer Bernhard Langer
• A Seagate Barricuda 7200rpm 120GB hard drive
• A really smart shirt from Next

Sites of the Week, 1996 and 2003

Yahoo features their best sites (picked, apparently, on a weekly basis) from 2003. Of those I'm familiar with, the coolest are One Word, Bad Toon Rising and 365 Days Project. They also link to their best sites from 1996, roughly the mesolithic period of the Internet. I'm very impressed by how many of them are still up--more than 50%, from a quick check. Some look like they haven't been updated since then.

Link Round-Up: Movies

Yeah, it's that time of year when I'm cleaning out my 'Blog Content' bookmark folder. As such, you'll probably get a few link lists in the next few days:

• A old but entertaining and frank interview with Janeane Garofalo from the Onion.
• My ex-pat friends will be pleased, as the COO of Blockbuster wants to get rid of regional codes.
• Speaking of Blockbuster...a few years they made it a policy to only stock full-screen, pan-and-scan (instead of widescreen) films. Just another reason not to go to Blockbuster. If anybody's in doubt about the difference, check out this site.
• Middle-Earth Tours. An amazing site--clearly a labour of (deeply nerdish) love. The amount of content on this site (and its organization) is astonishing.
• Minority Report gets prescient. Smart billboards are coming to a surface near you.
• A pretty cool-looking, Matrix-esque anime film with a peculiar name.

Serendipitous Linkage

I went looking for my favourite local computer store online. On a hunch, I typed frontier.ca (it's actually http://www.frontierpc.com/). Instead of a computer store, I found a series of dull-looking photos of the 'Fraser Heights Business Centre'. What's weird though is if you click on any of the thumbnails, they display a different image. The linked images appear to be from a Christmas party. For example, click the one at left and see people stuffing their faces. I also like the cut of this guy's jib.

Serendipity, thy name is InterWeb.

My First eBay Auction

I've never sold anything on eBay. However, as a gift for participating in a development focus group for the game, I recently received a copy of NHL Rivals 2004 for the Xbox. As I don't have an Xbox, don't want an Xbox, and hadn't sold anything on eBay, I figured I give it a try.

I welcome any tips on my sales technique. I think I resisted most of the up-sell tactics they use to suck more money out of you. I suppose this is a lousy time of year to be selling, but what the heck. If you're an Xbox owner and hockey fan, you can bid on the thing here.

Music at the Gym

I try to keep my petty whining to a minimum on this site (regular readers may disagree), but here's an exception: Why is it that in gyms and fitness centres across the globe (well, in at least the four countries in which I've been in them), owners and patrons alike play ridiculously loud dance music? This has been true in every facility--from the largest Fitness World to the smallest apartment gym, both publically and privately-owned--that I've ever used.

I know I sound like an curmudgeonly octogenarian, but people, enjoy the freaking silence. If you require music to motivate you to exercise, perhaps you should reconsider your fitness regime. If you really want music, buy a Walkman/Discman/MP3 player--they cost about $4 these days--and spare me your musical taste. After all, it's an exercise facility, not a night club. And I'm not arguing for Mozart or Marsalis on the stereo--just turn the stereo of.

I don't think there are gender issues here--in my apartment gym both muscle-bound men and thimble-wasted women play pounding music on the stereo (what is the correct term these days? It sure aint 'ghetto blaster').

This has always bothered me (particularly in my gym in Dublin, where they had TV's with headphone jacks at every exercise machine), but it's become more irritating since I've started listening to books (well, plays) on tape while I exercise. To my eternal surprise, King Lear and Christina Aguilera do not mix (My kingdom for a who...never mind).

The Fascinating Story of the Wilhelm

Slashdot links to the fascinating history behind the Wilhelm, the most popular scream in film history:

"There is a very famous scream in Star Wars (Episode IV) that occurs when one of the stormtroopers falls into the Death Star chasm. No doubt all geeks are familiar with this scream, but may not know that it has been used in dozens of other movies and even has a name - "The Wilhelm". There is a fascinating interview (transcript and audio) from NPRs "On The Media" that discusses the now cult-like following and history of this scream."

Listen to the NPR interview, it's spectacular.

Paul Martin, Online Thug

Via BoingBoing, the Canadian Prime Minister and the ruling Liberal Party are legally intimidating these guys over their satirical Web site.

Dear Mr. Martin,
I was shocked to recently read that the Liberal Party was attempting to intimidate a Web site that parodied and satirized http://www.paulmartintimes.ca/. Is the party's confidence so weak that they can't abide a little online scrutiny?

You probably do have a case for copyright infringement under Canadian law, but throwing your legal weight around is hardly the best course of action, is it? Practically speaking, no thoughtful person could confuse the satirical site with your actual site.

In the last election, I voted for the Liberal party. If these tactics become common under a Martin-led government, you can be sure that I'll be giving my vote to someone else in the next election.

Darba NeSca, did you fix that moisture vaporator?

An extremely effective way to generate your Star Wars name:

For your first name:

1. First 3 letters of your 1st name.

2. First 2 letters of your last name.

For your last name:

3. First 2 letters of your Mom's maiden name.

4. First 3 letters of the city you were born in.

What's your Star Wars name?

Link Round-Up: Christmas Stuff

It's that time of the year:

• Disturbingly huge Christmas lights displays.
• Christmas also means the World Juniors of hockey, often the best hockey of the year. A nice story about three generations of international players.
• FARK Photoshopping: If Santa really answered kids' letters. And a bonus one: The worst holiday gift ever.
• Christmas, as we know, means toy trains and DVDs about trains. Here are Celebrity Train Layouts 1, 2 and 3. I'm waiting for the Neil Young box set.
• This ever-popular advice on buying your children CDs.

It's Not Gay If It's With a Spaniard

A handy and entertaining guide (pretty much safe for work) to when it is safe to have sex with another man and retain your heterosexuality. Mostly I like the witty little bathroom-man graphics they use to illustrate their points. And here I though it wasn't gay if it was during Gay Pride month.

Everyone Avoids Me Like a Cyclone Ranger

My journalist friend Gwendolyn Richards recently returned from several weeks in Japan. She brought 371 photos back with her. And those were after she deleted all the lousy ones off her digital camera. I explained that I have an aunt who, when confronted with vacation photos, always says "show me your best three". Gwen kindly just sent me her best ten, including several of those zany Japanese toilets. Thanks to the Internet and globalism, these would have been really cool ten years ago. Now, they're kind of par for the course, but still entertaining. Click below for details. I'm not hiding the photos because they feature toilets et al--I just can't be bothered to make thumbnails.

Japanese people must have powerful thighs. This photo reminded me of this nifty tutorial.

I see that both toilets offer a 'Flushing Sound' option. Does this imply that the toilets do not naturally make a flushing sound? Or are they employed to conceal bodily noises? Can those who have used such a toilet comment?

That's her on the left. I don't know who the guy on the right is.

Christmas In Kabul

I just watched some of Rick Mercer's Christmas In Kabul, which is charming and entertaining in a patriotic way. Rick Mercer is one of the nation's most popular comedians (among those who haven't gone south to the US), and he's spending a few days with Canadian peacekeepers in Afghanistan. I was struck by a few things:

• The age of the average soldier, which seems to be at least thirty. After watching hundreds of war movies, I'm always under the impression that the average age of our soldiers is about twenty. Apparently that's not the case.
• So many of the people in the our armed forces are from the Maritimes. Presumably this is due to high employment in that part of the country?
• Having watched plenty of on-the-ground newscasts from Iraq, it's striking how different the Canadian soldiers seem to the Americans. The Canadians seem so much more humble, and seem to honoured to be providing a valuable service to Afghanistan.

Medical Tourism

Kuro5hin features an interesting article on getting your teeth capped south of the border:

Once again we found tales of $120 caps, and of an entire industry catering to American medical tourists. In several places along the US-Mexico border, clusters of dentists operate within convenient driving distance so that an inexpensive bus tour from Las Vegas or a trolley ride from San Diego could bring you to where this cheap care was available.

I had no idea that there was so much business in medical tourism. I knew of the occasional sex change or plastic surgery in Thailand, but this is serious business. Maybe I can get those calf implants I've always dreamed of after all.

Ring a Ling Ding

Speaking of love among men ('I'll never leave you, Mr. Frodo!'), I went and saw The Return of the King this afternoon. I'm not really keen to offer a full-fledged review. Obviously, these are exceptional films--the performances, plotting, scenic design, costuming, editing, musical score, everything--are done with admirable care and attention to detail. Metacritic's 94/100 is perhaps a touch generous, but it's a really well-made film. In this film, I was particularly impressed with Billy Boyd and Dominic Monaghan as Pippin and Merry...their performances were subtle and moving. Also, there is a jaw-dropping sequence where Legolas brings down a massive mastadon o' war that sets a new standard for digital effects.

I wasn't particularly looking forward to this film. My appreciation of a film depends on my observation of its craft: acting, directing, etc. Also, I enjoy those films most that exceed my expectations in a surprising way. I knew pretty much everything there was to know about The Return of the King. Not because I'm some Tolkein nut...I've read the books a couple of times. Having seen the first two films, I knew all of the characters (few new characters were introduced), the cinematography, the design, plot (from the novels) and the acting. So, occasionally, I was willing Sam and Frodo to just get on with it and reach the damn (hee, hee) Cracks of Doom. As the third film, it's a feast for the eyes, but not the brain or the spirit. In this way, I was far more impressed with and moved by the first film.

I do have two minor complaints. The first is the denoument. As Mr. Cranky puts it, the film "fades to black more times than Ozzy Osbourne taking an I.Q. test". Unless you're doing something innovative, an film's (or novel's or play's) conclusion should be as brief as possible. The climax has occurred, tension has been released and our investment in the characters lessens. In the context of a 12-hour film, this film's conclusion was about the right length. For a 3-hour film, it was way too long.

The second is the whole Arwen/Eowyn/Aragorn love triangle. This was handled clumsily, and should have been cut altogether. In terms of adapting the novels, it's extremely trivial to the plot. There was much grousing about Liv Tyler's role in the first film. The complaints were mostly from Tolkeinaites concerned about the sanctity of the story. Who cares about that--it just didn't play very well on screen. Arwen's gone for enornmous swathes of the second and third film, and Aragorn seems to turn down Eowyn more times than I got refused at my grade 7 dance.

MINOR SPOILER AHEAD

In any other film, when Arwen shows up at the conclusion, the director would cut to Eowyn for a reaction shot. Jackson seems too concerned about the mythic to worry about minor details like his characters's reactions.

AFA Gay Marraige Poll

Everybody's talking about the American Family Association's Gay Marriage poll, and how they had planned to present the results to the American Congress. As Lesley at Plum Crazy wisely points out, this is hardly a scientific survey--it's a freakin' Web poll. You'd have to be a fool to lend it any credence.

Regardless, they undoubtedly hoped to get their site visitors--presumably conservative, anti-gay marriage types--to visit the poll, vote accordingly and then have a tasty stat-filled sound byte for a future press release. A good, but overly transparent tactic. As you can see, the current results are no doubt a closer reflection of America's views than they had hoped for. Another fine example of a company screwing themselves by underestimating the power of Internet-based communication.

By the way, while looking at the AFA's site, I noticed their front page banner. Does that pink text look a little Rainbow Nation to anybody else? I couldn't resist a little Photoshopping to make it a bit more gay-porn-sitish:

Hollywood Runs out of Ideas, Part 4

Garfield the movie? You're kidding me. There goes another another fond childhood memory. How could you possibly make a movie out of that comic--it was the definition of anti-plot. Nothing happens in that comic except that Garfield steals the lasagna and Jon gets upset. Oy. It's nice to see that Jennifer Love Hewitt is once again doing important, meaningful work.

When I first read about this, I hoped that it would be a docudrama about the American president. No joy.

What's Your News Aggregator of Choice

As RSS becomes more common, and my news sources become more plentiful, I'm increasingly relying on a news aggregator for information management and consumption. For the uninitiated, here's a definition I wrote a while back:

News aggregators (sometimes called RSS aggregators or news readers) are a new category of software that enables users to view RSS channels quickly and easily. A news aggregator, often hidden in your Windows taskbar, periodically checks each RSS channel to which you are subscribed to see if new news items have been published, and displays the results. Typically a news aggregator only shows the title and synopsis of a news item. By clicking on the item in your aggregator, you can then view the complete item in your Internet browser.

In a couple of years, this technology will be commonplace in Windows (in IE or Outlook, or both), but until then I'm using an aggregator. Thus far I've been using the free but simple SharpReader. It's nothing special, but it gets the job done. I do feel like I'm missing some bells and whistles.

What aggregator are you using? Why? Here's a list of the more common ones. My one requirement (for now) is that it be client-based, as opposed to Web-based. Unless a Web-based aggregator is really kick-ass...then I might conisder it.

Willy Freed From Earthly Bonds

Keiko, the much discussed star of the Free Willy movies, died and was buried in Norway this week:

Despite the whale's size, the burial went smoothly, Richards said. Machines dug a hole near the waterline, under cover of darkness, and then slid Keiko slowly a few yards across the snow into his grave, he said. "It was beautiful. He went to the grave quietly, quickly and peacefully, just like he died," said Richards. Only seven people -- including his team and the machine operator -- were present. "

Frankly, it's about time. That whale had a crappy-ass life at the hands of us humans. The sooner he could shuffle off his mortal coil, the better. Mind you, he did have his own foundation, but the newsletters probably got too wet before he could read them.

If They Build It, Women Will Come

Volvo has created an all-female design team to create a woman-friendly concept car. What do you they think women want in a car:

• No hood: The front end is designed as one large section, meant to be lifted only by the mechanic. The reasoning is women don’t want to be bothered with maintenance, and the car is designed to be virtually maintenance free (oil change every 30,000 miles).
• Storage space. The car has wide, gull-wing doors that allow easy access to the space behind the driver’s seat
• Easy to park. The car has a sensor to tell the driver if the car will fit in a parking space. It also can take over the steering to parallel park.
• Also, run-flat tires, pedals that collapse to the floor during a crash to prevent leg injuries, and a headrest with a valley down the center for women who wear their hair in ponytails.

Because, as we know, every Swedish woman keeps her hair in a ponytail. I jest, but it kind of seems like that. Regardless, I applaud this endeavour, but I'm not sure how important--outside of the Volvo organization--it is. These days, women are more often the principal car buyer than men. So, in theory, the automotive industry should increasingly be changing to respond to a female demographic.

Bonus link: While searching for photos of Swedish hair, I found this curious Swedish hand game. The image looks like an orgy, but it's just a bunch of clothed people holding hands in Bali. It has a great Socialist sentiment: "Don't let go until you succeed as a group, or give up as a group."

This Would So Be Me...

If I bought DVDs:

Self-described film buff Tyler Rosenstein was disappointed to receive a non-letterboxed "full screen" version of the movie The Matrix Reloaded as a Hanukkah gift, the 19-year-old reported Monday.

Link Round-Up: Weird Causes

NGOs, charities and causes on the fringes of the charity scene:

• NORM, the National Organization of Restoring Men. Get uncircumcized. Their site is currently down, so here's a cached page from Google.
• This woman asked the world for a bigger chest, and in six months, she got them. All chests on this site are clothed, so it's safe for work.
• "Welcome to Plain English Campaign". Oddly, there's no article in that title.
• CUDDLE, Cousins United to Defeat Discriminating Laws through Education. This site is too extensive to be satirical. Comes with a handy chart.
• Nun dolls. Fifteen of them. Don't miss the Create-Your-Own Catholic School Girl Doll. So...many...jokes...

Christmas Gifts, One Last Time

Regular readers will recall that I'm planning a whole gift-free, donate-to-charity Christmas this year. Without going into the dirty details, my siblings embraced this idea, while my parents, parents-in-law and grandparents were at best nonplussed and at worst furious. I still don't quite understand their reactions, but this Globe and Mail article about a giftless Christmas certainly shed some light on the subject:

But some admit that their loved ones don't get what they're doing -- or like it...Donna Stewart, of North Vancouver, says she has "just about given up" on going giftless. One family member didn't speak to her for almost a year, she says, after she tried giving charitable donations in lieu of presents. "Some people see it as a rebuke -- I care more about other people than I do about them. Or I don't trust them to give for themselves."

I wish I'd known about buynothingchristmas.org--I might have devised a better way to approach my family. The site has a pretty Christian bent, but hey, it's a Christian holiday. I particularly like this banner ad:

An Oft-Overlooked Bit of Hamlet

I've started listening to Shakespeare plays on my iPod. Conveniently, the local library has the excellent complete Arkangel Shakespeare on CD. Well, maybe not excellent. It's not the BBC or RSC, but it's pretty good. Mostly I listen while working out, where I don't have to negotiate sidewalks and traffic lights and the like.

So last night I'm on the treadmill and listening to Scene 2, Act 2 from Hamlet, and I hear a bit that almost never gets performed. It's after Hamlet meets Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, but before the players arrive. The three discuss the declining fortunes of the players troupe:

HAMLET

How chances it they travel? their residence, both
in reputation and profit, was better both ways.

ROSENCRANTZ

I think their inhibition comes by the means of the
late innovation.

HAMLET

Do they hold the same estimation they did when I was
in the city? are they so followed?

ROSENCRANTZ

No, indeed, are they not.

HAMLET

How comes it? do they grow rusty?

ROSENCRANTZ

Nay, their endeavour keeps in the wonted pace: but
there is, sir, an aery of children, little eyases,
that cry out on the top of question, and are most
tyrannically clapped for't: these are now the
fashion, and so berattle the common stages--so they
call them--that many wearing rapiers are afraid of
goose-quills and dare scarce come thither.

What do you know? That bit is almost always cut. I'd cut it too, if I weren't producing a four-hour extravaganza. Still, it's interesting that the players who show up have fallen on hard times. In reality, this is no doubt Shakespeare editorializing on the acting companies of boys that were emerging during this period. This brightly-coloured BBC page has more on the subject.

The Refurbished Enola Gay

This article from the Herald Sun raises an interesting quandary. It's about some protestors who objected to the exhibition of the newly-restored Enola Gay. Among the activists were six people who survived the nuclear blast at Hiroshima:

Two men were arrested after a bottle of red paint, meant to symbolise blood, was thrown, denting a panel on one side of the plane – parked in a new annex to the Smithsonian's National Air and Space Museum. One was charged with destruction of property, while the other faces loitering charges, police said. "This is the second time I have seen the Enola Gay," said Hiroshima survivor Minoru Nishino, 71, who was two kilometres from the centre of the blast, and still bears the scars.

I see the merit in both points of view. For the museum, this is a historically important artifact that should be preserved for future generations. For the survivors, it's the symbol of mass murder and the harbinger of the nuclear age.

It's all about context. the article goes on to say that "survivors are disappointed the plane is being displayed with no reference to casualty figures at Hiroshima." The text accompanying the plane indicates that it "found its niche on the other side of the globe". Found its niche indeed. Clearly, the exhibit should be accompanied by some material on the destruction this plane visited on the people of Japan.

It's noteworthy that they refurbished the thing. In my museum, I'd leave it to rust and moulder, in the hopes that people might come to associate it with a bygone era.

Ashkan Sahihi's Photography

Ashkan Sahihi is a photographer with some interesting projects. First came his study of armpits. Then he took a bunch of non-drug users, fed them various illegal narcotics, and photographed them:

For each drug/subject cycle in The Drug Series, Sahihi then selected the one image that he felt best represented the volunteer’s experience on the particular drug he or she ingested. The resulting images of the anonymous subjects suggest the unpredictability of a drug’s force; some people smile or laugh, others appear pensive and detached, another is disoriented, unreachable.

The drug series is pretty fascinating. The images really do verify our stereotypes of various drugs and their effects.

The latest series features peoples' portraits with their lovers', uh, semen, all over them. The photos are shot in the least pornographic way possible--they're head shots (d'oh, no pun intended) and the subjects are fully clothed. Yeah, you read that right. There's an interview about this project on Nerve (this 'literate smut' site is not particularly safe for work).

3-D Pong

Curveball is a pretty nifty Web game. I played an earlier version of this last year, and wasted several work hours trying to beat the damn thing. It's basically Pong in 3-D. It starts out quite easily, but once you get going fast, the third dimension is cripplingly difficult.

Moore Rejects Law, Surrenders

Via my friend Hugh Grant (not the Hugh Grant, though), Toshiba has created the world's smallest hard drive, with a diameter of 0.85 of an inch:

The drive, which is small enough to be used in mobile phones, can store up to two hours of high-definition moving images and just under 60 hours of music. Its tiny size will likely lead to the development of extremely small video cameras. The 1-inch HDD developed by the US affiliate of Hitachi Ltd is used in digital single-lens reflex cameras and other products, but it is too big for mobile phones. Despite the smaller size, Toshiba's HDD has a storage capacity of 2-3GB, equal to 2,000 floppy disks.

0.85 of an inch. That's like the size of my thumb. In two years I'll have a 40 GB iPod that I can carry around in my navel.

Link Round-Up: Wacky Interweb Stuff

Links from around that strange and wonderful Internet place:

• The whimsical, violent Die in Style. It's the descendant of the sort of thing my friends and I made with early animation programs back in, like, 1989.
• The wary, fat kid. I have no idea how I found this.
• The 25 cameras project. An admirable idea (and a really nifty interface), but I think they need more cameras.
• Walk like an Egyptian. Or at least like a nervous, sad, fat dude.
• Guess people's ages based on their photos (ads are somewhat unsafe for work).
• Nifty martial arts animations.

New Creative Commons Flash Movie

Via Boing Boing, the very worthy Creative Commons has a great new animated Flash movie. The movie celebrates the one year anniversary of Creative Commons, and describes plans for the future. It is a fine companion piece to the excellent first movie, and both are fantastic examples of Flash used for good, not evil.

UPDATE: The new Flash movie has now moved here.

Saddam's in the House

I don't have much to say on Saddam's recent capture, except that it's obviously a major PR coup for the US. Clearly he wasn't managing the resistance from that goat farm, so I don't imagine his capture will have much of an impact on the military or political situation in country.

One aspect that does interest me is how and where Saddam will be put on trial. The US will dictate this, and they're not particularly keen on the International Criminal Court or the UN. So, as this article indicates, he's likely to be turned over to Iraqi authorities.

Other people have written more authoritatively and extensively on Saddam's capture:

• VanderWoning confuses Saddam with another bearded historical figure.
• I don't entirely agree with him, but Tony Pierce has an interesting perspective.
• Read an Iranian's take on the capture.

Okay, a bit of editorializing. Has anybody else noticed that the US administration has, in the past few months, shifted the focus from capturing Osama Bin Laden and weapons of mass destruction to the humanitarian victory of liberating Iraq and removing Saddam from power? Given their failure to produce on the former fronts, that's pretty good spin.

One other point to consider: The main reason the US went into Iraq was to thwart terrorism, right? Given the very few acts of terror perpetrated on US soil, and the continuing terrorist attacks on other nations, how will we judge the success of this tactic? I guess the US has a pretty easy criteria--if there isn't another Sept. 11, then they're in good shape.

An Overlooked Fact About Survivor

I've been something of a fan of Survivor since the first series. I'd rather watch Eco-Challenge (the more entertaining, more admirable predecessor to Survivor) I haven't followed every series closely, but have watced most of them. I caught the final episode of the current series and, true to early rumors, Sandra Diaz won.

I'll spare you the lengthy analysis, but I did want to pass on this unpopularized tidbit: everybody in the final 16 wins money. The first ejectee gets $2,500 and the runner-up (in this case Boy Scout Lil) walks with $100,000. That's $2564 a day. It ain't a cool million, but it's ain't bad.

UPDATE: Todd's got some insights into this series, and I made a comment about winning by being under the radar.

Hollywood Runs out of Ideas, Part 3

Recently I went to a movie and saw three previews. All three of the movies advertised were just sad rehashed variations of successful films. You could nearly hear the screenwriter pitching the idea to his producer:

• Mona Lisa Smile: "It's like Dead Poets Society with women."
• Calendar Girls: "It's like The Full Monty with women."
• Big Fish: “It’s an offbeat Forrest Gump for the 21st century.”

On Luxury

I'm generally pretty anhedonic (thanks to VanderWoning.ca for this handy term). I don't drink, I'm ambivalent to food and generally eschew behaviour-modifying narcotics. Fast, fancy cars leave me unimpressed, and while I appreciate well-made clothes, I'm neither a metrosexual nor a label-whore. In short, I'm usually unmoved by fineries.

One exception is holiday accomodation. I enjoy a really, really nice hotel. I like the valet parking, how they call me sir, how they know my name and call me by it. I like big beds and Egyptian cotton sheets with a high thread count. I like 270-degree views of surging seas or wind-swept vistas or teeming cities. In this way, I am a Taurus.

We were discussing this peculiar conflict in my characters, and I was trying to decipher this affection for luxury. Part of it is certainly about uniqueness. It's not good enough to be at a luxurious accommodation--it must be unusual or unique. So, on the west coast, inns like the Wickaninnish Inn or Point-No-Point. In Greece, it might be Casa Delfino in Chania. Still, part of me just likes the rain room and the plush towels. What's with that?

Back from the Wilderness

This weekend was spent in stormy Tofino, on the west coast of Vancouver Island, at the luxurious Wickaninnish Inn. We didn't do a whole lot--just ate a lot of good food, went for a few hikes and generally relaxed. Usually I'm not up for the relaxing on holiday. In fact, I'm good for exactly 1.5 days of relaxing before I need to get busy doing something. I'm hardly Clark Griswold, but I can't sit on the beach for very long.

The west coast of Vancouver Island is an extraordinary place. A coastal rain forest, it throbs with moist life. The trees are massive, ageless and coated with moss. The ground is spongy with water, and the forest floor is carpeted with ferns and salal. On the way there, we stopped in Cathedral Grove, home to some of the largest trees on the continent (check out the obligatory tree-hugging photo). We were fortunate to be alone among these giants. The forest is aptly named. I've seen many of the great cathedrals of Europe, and this place calls up a similar sense of awe and humility.

Photos--mostly of scenery, with plenty o' lens flare--are here.

Stewart Brand May or May Not Be a Dirty Old Man

In the comments on my previous post, Bruce Sterling writes to correct me. I inadvertantly confused him and his weblog with Stewart Brand (who appears to be weblogless). No doubt something to do with the initials. They're both writers and influential digerati members. Plus, I'm big fans of them both.

So apologies to Mr. Sterling and Mr. Brand for the confusion. I no longer have any evidence regarding Mr. Brand's dirtiness. This page informs me that Bruce is a sprightly 49 years old, so he can only be described as an old man by young children. As to his affection for divas around the globe, that's hardly in doubt (mind you, I wouldn't kick this one out of bed for eating crackers).

To complete my apology to Mr. Sterling, allow me to plug his excellent book, Tomorrow Now. It's a lively, insightful book of predictions divided into seven sections based on Jaques's seven ages of man speech (about halfway through this scene) from Shakespeare's As You Like It. It's an effective conceit, and the book would please any geek on your Christmas list.

As my weblog gets more readers, I'm getting more and more of this type of feedback. After the call from the James Dewey Watson bobble head lady, I'm going to have to watch my step.

The Weekend of Hedonism Begins

Excepting Calgary (and that was on business, so it hardly counts), I haven't left Greater Vancouver for nine months. While this was a refreshing change of pace from our one-trip-a-month routine in Europe, I'm pleased that it's coming to an end. After attending what promises to be an excellent hockey game against the Avalanche tonight, Julie and I head off for a couple of nights in Tofino at the fantabulous Wickaninnish Inn. Despite the suggestive URL, there will be no pagan rituals.

Tofino and the area that surrounds it is my favourite natural place in the world. It has glorious beauty, and is still relatively unspoiled. My Mom always said that it was the one place that I seemed to have a spiritual connection with.

Due to the recent ferry fracas, we'll be flying to Nanaimo and renting a car. We don't have plans to get home, but we're optimistic that the unions will be fired and replaced back to work by then.

A Web Design Breakthrough

I'm a self-taught, poor man's Web designer. It's not really a core function of our business, but a lot of clients want me to maintain or modify their Web sites. Regardless of what we're doing for a client, they always seem to ask: "do you guys do Web design?" Occasionally, I build a new site from scratch.

Generally, though, I've never pitched myself as a Web designer, and haven't had much faith in the design abilities. I've been doing more and more of it, though, and lately I think I've reached some kind of critical mass of experience. I'm finally at a point where I'm pretty happy with my work, and I think it's now in the same ballpark (way up in the nose bleeds, but at least in the same ballpark) as other designers.

Not to blow my own horn, but it's been rare in my life that I've needed to practice something a lot before I became at least competent at it. Design has been a humbling exception. As has learning to play music, come to think of it.

This observation was precipitated by, among other projects, this front page re-design (mostly the big green banner in the middle).

Nick Hornby on Aimee Mann

At the moment, I'm listening to a gorgeous pop dirge for wasted teenage summers, 'Ghostworld' by Aimee Mann. This reminded me of Nick Hornby's (author of such entertaining British books as Fever Pitch and High Fidelity) enjoyable little book on 31 of his favourite pop songs, inventively titled 31 Songs. Hornby, also the pop music columnist for The New Yorker, writes wonderfully about pop music. As anybody who read High Fidelity knows, he shamelessly loves the stuff.

31 Songs had a chapter on "Ghostworld". Actually, I think it just cited that song in the context of discussing a great song about being in a band, "I've Had It." That song features one of the finer lyrics written in the last decade:

Like most amazing things
It's easy to miss and easy to mistake

Regardless, I tracked down Hornby's review of "Bachelor #2", Mann's second solo album. It's a great read:

What makes listening to "Bachelor No. 2" such a treat is Mann's sinuous, Burt Bacharach-like melodies and her verbal facility. "Ghost World" has the kind of lyrics that people don't write very often: simple, direct, sweet, resonant - in other words, proper lyrics, instead of tenth-rate poetry. "Finals blew, I barely knew my graduation speech / With college out of reach / If I don't find a job it's down to Dad and Myrtle Beach," runs the first verse; I've read entire first novels that cover similar territory less effectively. (The song, an achingly pretty lament for a nothing-happening teenage summer, also offers a respite from all the typical Mann finger-pointing.) "Red Vines," meanwhile, is this year's great lost radio hit. It has everything: a gorgeous, understated guitar intro, a swooping and memorable chorus, a preposterously cute piano outro.

If you don't have this album, go out and buy it. You won't be disappointed.

O Brother, Here Thou Art

From the Sunday Times (South Africa's best-selling newspaper), we find the story of James Carter, who recorded the opening chain-gang song in O Brother, Where Art Thou 40 years ago:

The song was recorded on a sweltering day in September 1959 by a convict toiling in a chain gang in one of America's most brutal prisons, the Mississippi State Penitentiary. More than 40 years later, it became an unlikely hit, on the chart-topping soundtrack album to the movie O Brother, Where Art Thou? Then came the extraordinary hunt to find its singer, now a 76-year-old pensioner living in a rundown apartment in east Chicago.

The movie producers handed him his first royalty cheque for US $20,000 and he said "I'm gonna call Michael Jackson up, tell him I'm gonna slow down. Let him catch up on me."

The Perfect Guy

Heather (who only wears her watch while traveling) has written this touching short essay about finding the perfect guy (must...resist...urge...to...punctuate):

my perfect guy would be tall, dark-haired (whether long, short or shaved) and have deep eyes (dark brown is nice, but so are dark blue). i wouldn't even mind if his lashes were longer than mine. he'd have clean, well-organized teeth (no tartar build-up or gums showing when he smiles, please) and a five o'clock shadow at noon. he would take off his shirt the hot way, wear only boxers or boxer briefs and never, ever wear his socks to bed. he'd smell like leather, calvin klein's obsession for men and a little, tiny bit of tobacco.

'Take off his shirt the hot way' is great. I must start doing that consistently. I always think that's the way you remove a hockey jersey. Who wears their socks to bed?

Stewart Brand is a Dirty Old Man

I've always admired Stewart Brand--he's a heck of a writer, a visionary and a founding member of the digerati. He's also one of the founders behind my favourite non-profit. So, I was interested in read what he had to say in his weblog, Beyond the Beyond.

You know what? Mostly it's photos of foreign chicks. I exaggerate a bit, but he's written a lot about divas from around the world. Scroll down the page and check it out for yourself. I'm not objecting, really, but I was a bit surprised by his subject matter. I guess I was expecting more screeds on 10,000-year-old technology or the like.

More on the James Dewey Watson Bobblehead

Last week I mentioned the peculiar James Dewey Watson bobble head, and then corrected my crediting of him for that DNA business. Lo and behold, I got a call this morning from Ms. von Roeschlaub, one of the proprietresses (what a wonderful word that is) of SciVon Enterprises, the company that sells the bobbly head in question.

We discussed the price point (I had proposed that US $32 after international shipping was a bit pricey), and how she was working on getting a Francis Crick (Watson's shier partner) bobble head. She said she'd gotten some sales out of this site, so that's good. A classic example of the new PR/blogging model, I guess.

One More Shopping Tip

Posting and comments removed at company's request. Return to the home page.

A Shortcoming of Portable Phones

Lately, as I work from home, I've been getting telemarketing calls at a rate of three or four a week. It's gotten to the point that if I say "hello" and there's that tell-tale extra-long pause, I just hang up. If it's someone who knows me, they'll call back.

Which brings me to the shortcoming of the portable phone. With non-portable (corded?) phones, you could satsifying slam down the receiver, conveying your frustration to the other party. Now what have you got? The TALK button. And sometimes you can't even find it, so you've got to hunt for it while the other party is still on the line.

This phenonomenon is highlighted in movies, where actors struggle to convey their emotions by stabbing at the TALK button with a ridiculous ferocity.

In a few years, I imagine a generation of children who will never know the joy of slamming down the phone. Don't believe me? When I was about 12, I had a friend over to play. When it was time for him to go, he asked to use the phone to call his mother. I led him to the kitchen, where he stared at the old rotary telephone in disbelief. He'd never seen one before, and had to idea how to use it. Albert Kaan was a smart kid, but a little too modern for his own good.

Mostly I included his name at the end so that, should he google himself, he may find my site.

Link Round-Up: Potentially Offensive

Today's links are brought to you by the letters P and O, for Potentially Offensive. Here are links, and those that they may offend:

• NoMarriage.com: married people, engaged people, women, men with an IQ over 80
• Push on for state recognition of the polka, square dance: Lovers of dances other than the polka or square
• Amy Ritchie's Taxidermy: Squirrel lovers, arbiters of good taste
• Goose cuddle is a flight of fancy: Geese and their platonic lovers
• The Little Deeper cushion (link marginally unsafe for work, and has goofy sounds, so turn down your speakers): Men with penis-size complexes. All right, just men.
• Photoshop a cover for Wil Wheaton's next O'Reilly book: Wil Wheaton's fans and/or his detractors

3-D OS

Slashdot refers to a pretty nifty R & D project that Sun is undertaking: the 3-D desktop. It's called Project Looking Glass:

Called Project Looking Glass, these Java technology-based developments will bring 3D windowing capabilities to the desktop to offer a far richer user experience for work and "play." But, it's not only about "eye-candy," it's about creating an engaging user experience, one that can make communications and collaboration even easier.

I don't know--it might just be eye candy. I'm not yet convinced that it would make me much more efficient. Having said that, there is one jaw-dropping moment in the well-presented and brief demonstration video. I won't spoil it, but it's one of those moments that changes the way you look at something that's familiar to you. In this case, it's your everyday desktop window.

On an unrelated side note, I'm always pleased when I get moderated up to a 5 in a Slashdot thread...it's a rare occurrence.

Last Minute Christmas Gifts

While I may not be giving many gifts this year, that doesn't mean that you can't. Here are some suggestions. All of these are friends and family who make stuff for sale:

• Hailey Kim cards...great for Christmas or anytime of year (that's one to the right).
• Going to go to Victoria anytime soon? Get this book that my brother wrote: Victoria: Secrets Of The City. Also, check of this tiny classic.
• Are you 5 to 8 years old? Do you know someone who is? Give them my friend Heather Dyer's excellent book Tina and the Penguin.
• For the well-monied gift-givers, an Echo Memoirs personal memoir.
• And, of course, who doesn't need professional communications services?

Shop away, folks.

Mel Gibson's Christ's Passion

That's a lot of possessives.

I've been keeping an eye on this film because of it's controversy and my growing interest in religion(s). The always-informative Mirabilis links to a fascinating (if poorly formatted) interview with a Dominican priest who recently viewed the film at the Vatican. Here's an excerpt from his comments:

Anyone seeing this film -- believer and unbeliever alike -- will be forced to confront the central mystery of Christ's passion, indeed of Christianity itself: If this is the remedy, what must the harm have been? The Curé of Ars says somewhere that no one could have an idea or explain what Our Lord has suffered for us; to grasp this, we would have to know all the harm sin has caused him, and we won't know this until the hour of our death. In a way that only great art can do, Mel Gibson's film helps us grasp something almost beyond our comprehension. At the outset, in the Garden of Gethsemane, the devil tempts Christ with the unavoidable question: How can anyone bear the sins of the whole world? It's too much. Christ nearly shrinks at the prospect, but then convincingly proceeds to do just that -- to take on, according to his Father's will, the sins of the whole world. It's astonishing really.

Step into the 21st Century

I'm generally opposed to unions in the West. They seem more meritous in some industries (nursing, for example) than others (teaching and forestry), but generally they're ridiculous 19th century institutions. I know something of what I speak because I've been in a union. Two, actually--I worked for one at UVic for a bit I think.

I remember one particularly illustrative experience working for the Rec Centre. I wanted to undertake some work above and beyond the call of my position--admin assistant. It was some magical geekery I was going to do to improve tennis bookings, I think. Despite the fact that everyone agreed that it was a good idea, they wouldn't let me do it because it wasn't in my job description. Everyone has a story like this, about how unions discourage innovation and reward mediocrity.

In Western Canada, we're always hearing about the sufferings of forestry industry workers. I recently heard on the radio that the average forestry worker makes CAN $50,000 a year. Those doing the most elite, dangerous work can earn over CAN $100,000. That kind of money goes a long way in small towns. And I'm supposed to feel sorry for these guys?

There's currently an 'essential services' job action for BC Ferries, which limits the number of ferries going to Vancouver Island. Not only does this lick abstractly, but I'm heading to the island this weekend. We're fortunate to be able to consider the alternative of flying, or we might spend half of Friday at Horseshoe Bay, waiting for the union to permit us to use a public service.

I went looking for the average wages of BC Ferry employees, but couldn't find any. In fact, I went to the BC Ferry and Marine Workers site. They seem to have intentionally crippled their site. Or, if they haven't, it's a really lousy site. Of course, a savvy Google user can determine that there's lots --at least 89 pages--on their site that they're not linking to.

What on that site convinces me that these people deserve more money, or less hours, or whatever they're striking for this week? I'm sure that they're Web stats have increased this week, with them being in the news. Why not provide some compelling information to make me more sympathetic to their cause? I've emailed them to enquire about this, and the average salary of a BC Ferry worker.

Thank You, Leonard Nimoy

This is a truly extraordinary piece of video from that rock 'n' roll legend, Leonard Nimoy. Just in time for the big Lord of the Rings finale. It's hard for me to believe that this actually exists, and isn't some clever CG rendering. I'm especially digging the sweatshirt-clad, hobbit-ear-wearing (elf? dwarf? Who can tell) go-go girls. You can almost see Nimoy trying to decide which one he'll hit on after the shoot.

Hobbits are peace-loving folks you know
They're never in a hurry and they take things slow
They don't like to travel away from home
They just like to eat and be left alone

This kicks Shatner's Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds's ass. I'm not sure if I'm way ahead of this meme or way behind it, so apologies if you've received this in your email inbox, like, five times this week.

On the same site, Dancing Ross is a pretty funny clip too.

The 365 Days Project

The (kind of poorly-named) 365 Days Project is kind of like an Internet version of Sounds Like Canada:

For the entire year of 2003 (January 1st to December 31st) this site will feature one mp3 file (every day) to download. Listeners of the incredibly strange and outsider realm take note, for this is the majority of material that will be made available. Obscure (and for the most part out-of-print) recordings will be the primary focus.

I particularly like the recording of the 4th grade class from 1963 in Northfield, Illinois. It reminded me of the wonderful Irish short Give Up Yer Aul Sins (also, check out the excellent Fifty Percent Grey).

That Yuletide Spirit

I'm not sure about the origin of this badboy, but it comes out every year at our house. There was plenty of talk of freaky Christmas iconography at Devon's Christmas potluck. Unfortunately, I couldn't stay long, as I had a wrestling match to attend.

For weirder Christmas stuff, check out The Twelve Days of Kitschmas.

Lost in Translation

I finally went to see Lost in Translation today, and really enjoyed it. It's a measured, subtle study for relationships abroad, insommina and alienation. Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson offer splendid, detailed performances and have remarkable chemistry. This is Murray at his most reigned-in--he's world-weary and a bit depressed. The writing is clever without being showy, and the film's structure is very organic--scenes seem to instinctively occur. To put it another way, you can't seem the movie's seams.

The relationship that builds between the two lead characters, isolated in a posh Tokyo hotel, is complex and meaningful. It reminds us of those quick, deep bonds forged between strangers on vacation or at camp. Both characters are looking for something in themselves and in each other, and we're not really sure if they find it or not.

Lost in Translation does trade a little too much on its setting in wacky, futuristic Japan, but its a forgivable flaw. The cinematography was at its best either in the hotel or out in the country--it was these contrasts that kept an otherwise pretty slow movie very watchable.

I have a new-found respect for Sofia Coppola. I thought The Virgin Suicides was pretty awful, but this film shows real growth. The domesticities which were so dull in The Virgin Suicides are so fresh and compelling in this film. I've often wondered what a feminine style of filmmaking is, and I think this movie is one of the best examples I've seen.

On a vaguely-related side note, I appreciated that, in this age of skeletal ingenues, Scarlett Johansson had a relatively normal body shape.

Talking About Americans

Lately I've been trying to broaden my online reading to include some more conservative sites. If I only read opinions that I agree with, how am I ever going to learn anything? For example, you'll find a discussion I'm having about spending on the Canadian military at All AgitProp, all the Time.

I've read and rejected several frighteningly right-wing propagandists, but have found some other sites that seem but thoughtful and moderate. I'm not sure which camp this site falls into, but I was curious to read Don't Tread on Me's Myths That Some Americans Believe. It's fairly misguided, but one of the myths--'We need to learn what it is about us that makes other cultures and countries hate us'--piqued my interest. I wrote the following tretis on why Americans are unpopular in Europe:

I'm Canadian, and thus I usually happily bash the States at every opportunity. However, I lived in Ireland for two years, and the States-bashing over there was so bad, I actually found myself defending your nation.

For European nations (I discussed the subject with the people of several western European countries), it had nothing to do with prosperity (they're pretty prosperous over there). Universally, it was two areas: foreign policy and cultural export.

They complained that US foreign policy was expansionist and inconsistent. I'm not arguing for or against this, just reporting what they told me.

Cultural export refers to all of the music, movies, fast food restaurants, etc that gets foisted on them by the US. They bemoaned the Americanization of the planet. While, obviously, cultural governing bodies around the world are as responsible for this trend as the US, individuals were frustrated by it.

Additionally, they couldn't get their head around things like American attitudes toward capital punishment or firearms. These attitudes often struck them as barbaric.

Generally these people knew and liked individual Americans--they just took issue with the society at large.

Bad Hockey is Keeping Me Up

I wrote the following letter to Gary Bettman, current commissioner of the National Hockey League. If you couldn't care less about hockey, or sports in general, stop reading and move along:

Dear Mr. Bettman,

Tonight I paid CAN $75 to watch the Vancouver Canucks and the Minnesota Wild skate to a listless 1-1 tie. With the brief exception of overtime, it was a tepid, lifeless affair with few rushes and little hitting. Is this your vision of hockey in the 21st century?

I know I'm fortunate to live in Vancouver, where the Canucks management provide a comparatively entertaining product. Every time the Canucks play a team like the Wild, I count my blessings that I'm not a resident of St. Paul. Unfortunately, more and more games around the league look like tonight’s.

I have heard your marketing spin, Mr. Bettman, on the reduced scoring, hitting and attendance. Sure, most hockey games these days are one-goal affairs--but 1-0 or 2-1 doesn't cut it, does it? Especially when both teams play a smothering defensive style which results in little speed and fewer scoring opportunities. I'm old enough to remember a time when the NHL was faster, more open and when far more goals were scored. I can tell you unequivocally which style was more entertaining.

For the first time, I became a partial seasons ticket holder for the Canucks this season. Why, if most of the games are turgid wrestling matches, would I repurchase my tickets next year?

The NHL and its teams are a product. You're providing a lousy product, so your customers are staying away. You need to improve your product, or you risk further alienating your fan base.

Here's something you said in 1998:

"It may well be that we've gotten to the point where defense has gotten too much of the upper hand on offense, and we may need to turn the dial a notch or two. We're not talking about radical solutions."

That year, the league averaged 5.27 goals/game. The NHL will be fortunate to reach that number in the 2003-04 season. My concern is not solely with scoring, but it's a valuable metre of the league's entertainment value.

Plenty of solutions have been proposed, from the unlikely (bigger ice surfaces, four-on-four hockey) to the significant (remove the red line) to the trivial (move the nets back, increase the width of the red and blue lines). Regardless, the time for tweaks has passed. It's time to get serious about improving the quality of your product. If I watch many more games like tonight’s, I won't be repurchasing my season tickets next year. And neither will a lot of your other customers.

Thanks for taking the time to consider my concerns.

Scientific Credit

A couple of readers wrote to correct my crediting of James Dewey Watson with determining the structure of DNA. John explains:

Watson and Crick got the Nobel. But a critical piece of knowledge, without which (and they admitted this publicly long afterward) they could not have made the final discovery was obtained in an underhanded fashion. That work had been performed by the never-recognized Rosalind Franklin.

You can read about all the key DNA dudes and dudettes in the NPR's Key Players in the Discovery of DNA's Structure. I knew there was something dodgy about giving credit to Watson, but it made for a better joke visa vi the bobblehead. Mea culpa.

While we're talking about scientific controversies, I recently read that Alexander Graham Bell has been getting more credit than he deserves for inventing the telephone. Apparently German research scientist Philipp Reis beat him by fifteen years.

My life suddenly Seems to Have Purpose

Todd made this exceptional find this morning: a text adventure game based on Hamlet. Back in our youth, while Todd played Vampyre on his Commodore 64, I played Zork 3 and a host of other games from Infocom on my IBM PC. In fact, I wrote an article about those games for a now defunct computer newspaper.

"Hey Dad," I say cheerily. "What's up?"
"Hamlet," says the old man after a sigh, "you remember how I was found mysteriously dead in the orchard a couple of weeks back? Well... it's like this. Your uncle Claudius poisoned me so he could become king and marry your mother. I'd be awfully grateful if you could kill him for me."
"All right," I say, "I'll do it!"
My life suddenly seems to have purpose.

Sweetness. You can even save--the game writes a cookie to your computer. My only complaint is that it's written in the first person. Traditionally, these games are written in the second person.

The First Bobble Head I've Ever Considered Buying

My braniac sister Lynsey (still stalkable, boys!) is currently working towards her PhD (I can never remember how to capitalize that term, which reflects my odds of obtaining one) in experimental medicine. I seriously considered buying her this James Dewey Watson bobble head. For those unfamiliar