DarrenBarefoot.com

My Oscar Picks

So as to not unduly influence the voting in my Oscar contest (76 entrants so far and time running out), I've waited until the last minute to prognosticate on the Academy Awards. Without further ado, here are my picks. Note that these aren't the people who I think deserve to win, but rather those who are most likely to win:

• Best Picture: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
• Best Director: Peter Jackson - The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
• Best Actor: Bill Murray - Lost in Translation
• Best Actress: Charlize Theron - Monster
• Best Supporting Actor - Tim Robbins - Mystic River
• Best Supporting Actress - Renee Zellweger - Cold Mountain
• Best Original Screenplay - Lost in Translation
• Best Adapted Screenplay - Mystic River
• Cinematography - Master and Commander: The Far Side of the the Other Side of the Sunny Side of the Street
• Fim Editing - The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
• Costume Design - The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
• Original Score - The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

Scantily Cladness (frankly, I'm looking forward to judging this bad boy):

1. Angelina Jolie
2. Jennifer Lopez
3. Charlize Theron
4. Halle Berry
5. Naomi Watts
6. Nicole Kidman
7. Scarlett Johansson
8. Jennifer Connelly
9. Renée Zellweger
10. Holly Hunter

My Office

It's late, and I'm feeling self-reflexive. Over at ni.vu.ni.connu (which, may I observe, features one of the more fetching top banners in blogland), Martine is collecting photos of people's work environment and I thought I'd contribute. This is the 'plus den' part of our one bedroom plus den. I must assume they meant 'den' in the context of 'home for foxes', because it's not really big enough for much else. It's cave-like, which I appreciate, and 50 square feet soaking wet.

I took a photo. Then I had a close look at it. Man, I'm messy. Being at least one-third technical writer, I started to label things. And I couldn't stop. Click the photo at left for a much larger version.

The Asshats at CIBC Visa

Permit me a brief rant. On Monday of this week, I call CIBC Visa to request that they fax me a Visa statement from 2003. Why I can't see my own data online from 9 months ago is beyond me--they only show 3 months online--but I digress.

The guy on the phone from CIBC Visa assures me that they will fax my statement later this week. He checks and they're 'on Feb. 18' in the faxes. They're five days behind on their faxing? What kind of organization are they running? Fine, I say--I'll have it by Friday.

Friday comes, and, of course, I've got no fax. I call them back and politely enquire as to the status of my fax. The clerk on the other end has no information about it. Was it requested? Has it been sent? Was it mailed instead? They have no records at all--not just for me, but there's apparently no system to track these requests. I ask to speak to her supervisor. Always go up the food chain.

I talk to her supervisor, politely explaining my situation again. I request that, given the fact that I've already waited five days for data about my card usage, they expedite this obtuse faxing process. No joy. She says she'll put my request back in the queue, and that I might get my fax on Tuesday. Seven business days to get a single page of information from nine months ago! I could've had it delivered by horse and buggy from Toronto in that time!

I then placed a feature request with the supervisor, suggesting that they develop a feedback loop that enables her staff to actually monitor the progress of these types of requests. The response I got was the most dead, apathetic 'yes, good idea' I'd ever heard.

In short, CIBC Visa are half-wits and I'm not optimistic about getting a fax on Tuesday. Note to self: hold onto your Visa statements--they're apparently like gold.

Mario with a Thousand Faces

These are great. They're not quite machinima, or maybe they are, I'm not sure how rigourous the definition is. They're basically the first three parts of a slightly-alternative story of Mario Brothers. What amazes me about them is their cinematic literacy. However made these has such a natural grasp of lighting and camera movement. The use of movie cliche in this unfamiliar genre is refreshing and hilarious:

• Part 1
• Part 2
• Part 3

It's not quite the genre-busting brilliance of Red vs. Blue, but it's getting there. From the good people at BoingBoing.

The Internet and Employability

Recently, a colleague of mine has started a weblog. She emailed me to ask:

Do you think potential employers would react positively when they read my rants about **insert subject here**? Obviously, if I knew the industry I'd like to target, I would tend to write about issues affecting that particular business, but what if I wanted to be a generalist, how would I approach this then?

An interesting question, so I thought I'd share my answer:

Your question regarding potential employer's reactions is as old as the Internet. Everybody Googles potential employees--who wouldn't? I have the benefit of experience and independence, but my view has always been this: If an employer rejects me based on something they read about me online, then I probably didn't want to work for them anyway. That may sound a little cavalier, but, on the other hand, I don't post many highly-controversial opinions.

For example, if you Google me in the near-term, you're probably going to read about Flowers for Al and Don, this strange flower-buying campaign that I'm running at the moment. A potential employer might conclude from that that I'm queer as a three dollar bill. If they did, and didn't hire me as a result, then fair enough (well, not really, but that's not the point here). Even though I'm straight, I probably don't want to work for somebody who makes judgments like that.

If you're going to view your blog as more than just a professional portfolio (and you seem to be so far), I wouldn't worry about what you write about. Write about what you want. You may want to include professional commentary--I do occasionally--but it doesn't have to be at the centre of what you write about.

Meme du Jour: My Ten Randomly-Selected Songs

As regular readers know, I love lists. To that end, I was pleased to read about this meme from Burnt Glass. You just set your digital music player to play ten songs at random from your entire collection. Then you report what gets played, no matter how shameful the results. Frankly, with the exception of #1, I got off pretty easy. From 3919 songs:

1. Somebody to Shove (unplugged, live) - Soul Asylum
2. Thinking of You - Sarah Vaughan
3. Price to Pay - Blues Traveler
4. Chicken Man (live) - Indigo Girls
5. A Thousand Miles (live) - Vanessa Carlton
6. Ice - Sarah McLachlan
7. Powderfinger (live) - Neil Young
8. In Our Lifetime - Texas
9. Light My Candle - Rent
10. Sailing To Philadelphia - Mark Knopfler

Going Outside

My wife is in San Francisco at a conference until Sunday, and I have been extremely busy all week. As such, I have barely left my apartment or spoken to another human face-to-face for four days (aside from Eddie, who runs, predictably, Eddie's, the corner store downstairs).

This afternoon, despite impending deadlines and the need for a nap, I was desperate for human contact. So, I went for a walk. It's a particularly bright day outside, with the sun filtered through some light cloud. I walked along the Sea Wall in downtown Vancouver.

The tide was out, exposing the rocks at the base of the wall. The smell of salt and seaweed were in the air, and this urban shoreline teamed with activity. I paused to watch grebes and cormorants dive for fish in the clear, shallow water. Gulls and crows rummaged along the shore, looking for lunch. I saw a great blue heron land among the yachts at the base of Davie Street, scattering the flock of wood ducks that normally hangs out there. On the way back, I stopped at the dog park to watch a terrier chase a labrador, and then watched them both chase a poodle.

The smell of the seaweed, the laziness of the afternoon and the filtered light reminded me of another walk along another sea wall that I took on June 6, 2002. That day I walked the entire length of Juno Beach in Normandy, where the Canadians landed in 1942. It was the sixtieth anniversary, and at my walk's end, I was fortunate to happen upon a ceremony for those soliders, living and dead. Proud octegenarians doffed caps and shook hands in the fading afternoon light. French soldiers a quarter of their age saluted them.

Being a son of the city, I know that I espouse Vancouver too often. Nonetheless, on a day like today, it's hard to imagine living anywhere else for very long.

The photo comes from my friend Todd (hmm...I'm probably breaking copyright laws here...oh well), who took it with a ridiculously small camera that he, if memory serves, received from Larry. If Todd's whole requirements analysis schtick doesn't work out, he can always go into covert surveillance with that thing.

Go On, Believe the Hype

More on the Imaginary Girlfriends

Back in January, I wrote about the eBay market for imaginary girlfriends. It was only a matter of time until somebody kicked that up a nonch and started their own corporation:

With an Imaginary Girlfriend, you can carry on a completely fictitious, yet authentic looking relationship with the girl of your choice. Browse through our site and choose your favorite girl to see what she can offer as your Imaginary Girlfriend.

Just make up how you met and include any details about yourself that you want your new girlfriend to know. Within days you'll receive personalized love letters by mail, e-mails, photos, special gifts... even phone messages or online chat. Every Imaginary Girlfriend is unique.

Are they looking for funding? To whom do I write the cheque? This is a way better idea than that whole eToy business. Mind you, it's kind of a virtual brothel. On the other hand, it'd be a good gig for a stay-at-home Mom. Knowing my luck, my imaginary girlfriend would just call and berate me all the time for not washing the car or, you know, satisfying her sexually.

Huh. So far, their stable is a bit bare. I only see three choices. What if I want a red-headed imaginary girlfriend? I guess there's always PhotoShop.

What are They Smoking at the Vatican?

This article from the Guardian reports that the Vatican is claiming that condoms don't prevent AIDS:

The Catholic Church is telling people in countries stricken by Aids not to use condoms because they have tiny holes in them through which HIV can pass - potentially exposing thousands of people to risk. The church is making the claims across four continents despite a widespread scientific consensus that condoms are impermeable to HIV.

I generally think of the Vatican as a powerful but benign organization, but this is freakin' absurd. Generally, people in the developed world have the education to recognize this kind of disinformation for what it is. But in Asia and Africa, where convincing people to use condoms continues to be struggle, this wildly-irresponsible propaganda could lead to the needless deaths of thousands of people. Wait to go, John Paul. Hands up, those of you who still think he's speaking for God.

On Middle-of-the-Road Divas

Why is so much praise heaped on the likes of Norah Jones and Nelly Furtado? Particularly in the case of Ms. Jones, she's received a ridiculous amount of critical and popular approval for middling accomplishments. Yes, she's got a warm, distinctive tone and tea-in-the-window-seat lyrics, but people talk about her as if she's the second coming of Ella Fitzgerald! I know I'm sounding like a music snob here, but there are so many other jazz vocalists that have more subtance and a more original style (not to mention a bigger range). My current favourite among these is Cassandra Wilson, an extraordinarily-gifted singer and musician.

Jones enjoys Diana Krall syndrome. This syndrome occurs when people follow the path of least resistance, finding the easiest-to-listen-to musical possible.

As for Ms. Furtado, 'I'm Like a Bird' was a great pop song. Since then, I've heard nothing that stirs me. And have you ever heard her sing live? Let's just say she's still got some developing to do on that front.

Humour in Obituaries

I hope that somebody writes something like this in my obituary (from yesterday's Vancouver Sun):

THOMPSON _ Raymond Edward, 62, quietly passed away in his sleep at his home in Langley on February 19, 2004. That evening his smiling face betrayed no sign of pain or suffering--surprising, given the tragic display of incompetence on the part of the Canucks just prior. Ray is survived and adoringly remembered...

The tragedy is that he missed the 4-2 win over Detroit last night. Well, he missed it from an earthly perspective, at least. Maybe he had the best seat in the house?

On a related note, it's interesting to me that the Vancouver Sun's online obituarty database is accessed by a full-text search. It's only pragmatic, but I can't imagine many people get to this page and type, say, 'always enjoyed Perry Mason' to find their friend or family member. Or maybe they do.

As Long as We Can Sail Away

My step-sister's father and step-mother Basil and Angela (you really should see my family tree sometime), are planning a multi-year sailing trip around the world in a 43 foot sailing boat. I know, they're nuts.

Regardless, using some primitive nautical access to the Internet, they're going to write about their trip at http://www.sailfreyja.ca. Angela built the site and was asking me for some advice, and I suggested they use a weblog to post updates. So, I blogized the home page and they're good to go.

I did this as a straight-up trade for Angela relining my jacket--which she did an excellent job of. Clearly, I got the sweeter end of that deal.

Condoms: A Marketing Challenge

Christmas morning. I'm 12, my brother's 15, and we ascend the stairs to the livingroom for our the traditional morning gift-opening. As always, we start with our stockings. At the bottom of our stockings are a 12-pack of condoms. My parents giggle maliciously as we turn sundry shades of red.

My parents, being liberated sorts, wanted to ensure that we were equipped should we, uh, get the opportunity. The irony was that my Mom, bless her, was too embarassed to buy them, and made my Dad do it instead. Sadly (but, from a developmental perspective, wisely), those condoms expired before I had a chance to to use them.

Tonight, I'm in the local grocery store and I'm buying ear plugs (I'm a light sleeper). Right beside the ear plugs are the condoms, in all their multi-coloured glory. I don't really need any at the moment, but I peruse them to ensure that, you know, there haven't been any revolutionary condom developments lately. The latest innovation (and I think it's been around for a while) is apparently the Performax condoms from Durex. These have a 'climax control lubricant on inside of condom to help prolong sexual performance'.

Given that, after size, duration is probably the biggest sexual anxiety of the average man, this is a thoughtfully-designed product. While consumer marketers have been playing on women's hang-ups for generations, exploiting men's fixations is a relatively recent phenomenon. There is, however, a problem: the purchase.

This article says that 66% of men feel "some level of embarrassment" when buying condoms. This grocery store is staffed almost exclusively by young women. Maybe I'm just sheepish, but the last thing I'd want to do is walk up to one of them and declare "I think I'm sexually deficient" before handing over some cash.

The solution, I guess, is to order online. That's all fine and dandy, but I'd guess that the vast majority of condoms are purchased and used promptly. This article, for example, shows that half of young British men (admittedly, not a group reknowned for its foresight) only buy condoms after they have successfully pulled (hooked up, for you Brit-slang illiterates).

So, it's a marketing challenge. How do you make it all right for skittish lads to procure this compelling but shaming product?

Bonus link: The Durex condom selector (do you want extra lubricious or just dotted?)

First URL in a Public Place

Do you remember the first time you saw a Web address advertised in a public space?

I don't, but I wish I did. If only I'd had this site eight years ago: "I was walking down Granville Street, loading the new Pearl Jam CD into my Discman, when I glanced up to see a Nike ad. What-ho! W...w...w...quelle URL!"

Stop, Turn and Go For a Ride

As all the digital rights geeks know, today is Grey Tuesday:

Danger Mouse created a remix of Jay-Z's the Black Album and the Beatles White Album, and called it the Grey Album (check this cool album cover). Jay-Z's record label, Roc-A-Fella, released an a capella version of his Black Album specifically to encourage remixes like this one. But despite praise from music fans and major media outlets like Rolling Stone ("an ingenious hip-hop record that sounds oddly ahead of its time") and the Boston Globe (which called it the "most creatively captivating" album of the year), EMI has sent cease and desist letters demanding that stores destroy their copies of the album and websites remove them from their site. EMI claims copyright control of the Beatles 1968 White Album.

Today, sites everywhere are hosting the music for 24 hours in protest of the music industry's ridiculously antiquated approach to copyright. Lots of people have written articulately about this:

• Downhill Battle
• A Whole Lot of Nothing
• Waxy.org
• BoingBoing
• Danger Mouse's site
• Wired - ""I'm just worried ... whether Paul and Ringo will like it. If they say that they hate it, and that I messed up their music, I think I'll put my tail between my legs and go," Danger Mouse recently told The New Yorker."

But is it any good? As somebody who grew up on the Beatles, it's kind of fascinating to here their melodies used so originally. As I mentioned a while back, I never felt like I could relate to rap. I still feel that way, but this project has made it a little accessable. The mix of Jay-Z's '99 Problems' and the Beatles' 'Helter Skelter' is a raging tirade, capturing the edginess of the original track. 'Rocky Racoon' will never be the same for me. I wouldn't listen to music like this regularly, but I'm glad somebody's fighting for the right to do so.

Oh, by the way, here's the album (once it uploads).

Follow Up on SilkBlogs

Last week, I questioned the feature set of SilkBlogs, an 'enterprise blogging solution'. At the end of the post, I said:

If they're savvy about marketing this product, somebody from SilkRoad will find this entry and reply to my criticisms.

Guess what? I got a call from Peter Quintas, Senior VP at Silk Road Tech. We had a decent discussion about their new product and what it had to offer. As it turns out, the product isn't lousy (well, I haven't used it, but it doesn't sound lousy), but their MarComms is. I was basing my analysis on the available information, which was poorly structured and missed the crucial, true differentiators. These include:

• Version management. Presumably, when you update a weblog entry, the software keeps track of both versions. Handy in a corporate environment.
• Robust user management. With the existing consumer products, managing 10 users is pretty straightforward, but try managing 100.
• Document management and related content management system stuff.

If larger companies (like, 100+) start adopting blogs as internal information management and communication tools, then these are going to be important features. Again, this isn't a plug of their product. I did appreciate Peter taking the time to contact me and clarify their positioning. Product vendors, take note! Now, Peter, what I want to see is a SilkRoads corporate news weblog and a product development weblog with RSS feeds, so that I can keep track of the company.

Speaking of blogs and the corporation, here are a few articles I've encountered recently:

• What's up with blogging, and why should you care?
• Can Corporations and Blogging Co-exist?
• Dave Winer talks about online communities and occasionally takes Microsoft to task

The Quandaries that a Technical Writer Faces

From the popular (well, among font fondlers) TECHWR-L mailing list, Karen writes:

Four design engineers approached me with a wording problem. "We have multiple master clocks," they said. "And one of them is more important than the others. There are also slave clocks, which are slaves to the masters. We call the most important master clock the Chief clock. Can we call the other master clocks Indians?"

The opening line reminded me of an old joke. A electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer and a software engineer are in a car, driving along the highway, when the car shudders and starts smoking. Pulling the car over to the should, the three discuss the problem.

The electrical engineer leans back in his seat, scratches his head and says "well, clearly it's a problem in the car's electrical system."

The mechanical engineer disagress. "Clearly we have blown a gasket."

They both turn to the software engineer for his opinion. He shrugs. "I don't know what you guys are talking about. All we need to do is get out of the car and get back in again, and everything should be fine."

Lame, I know.

Link Round-Up: Putting Away Childish Things

Today's link round-up started being all about childish things. Then it degerated to being vaguely related to adolescent things. Then it truly went south:

• Top eleven mail-in action figures. In my youth, I sent away all my proofs of purchase (proof of purchi?) for a Star Wars action figure. I can't remember if it was Greedo or Boba Fett. Given their relative popularity, it was probably Greedo--Monsieur Fett was no doubt available in stores.
• Spare a thought (and some change) for the lowly arcade owner.
• Bup bu ba ba baaaaa....Dartmouth is apparently the birthplace of the frozen game (thanks, Mirabilis).
• It's your portable media centre/PDA/phone/Blackberry/toe cleaner all in one. And it fits in your (cargo) pants pocket. And it's a pile of pants.
• Win Conan's sword. Really.

Are All Wedding Photographers Male?

This occurred to me in the shower this morning. I've been to maybe 20 weddings in my life. In every case, the wedding photographer has been male. All three of the wedding photographers that I know are also male. Surely there are plenty of female photographers out there--maybe it's just a statistical blip.

After all, pretty much every other part of the wedding planning/implementation seems dominated by female owned and operated businesses (florists, dress shops, caterers, wedding planners, mothers-in-law). Why are the photographers different?

[UPDATE] I went looking for some hard numbers on this question. I didn't find any, but I did find the Wedding Photojournalist Association (WPJA--sounds like a Java spec), which features a great photo of the bride literally taking the plunge. Well, the composition and lighting in the photo are very average, but the subject is great.

Finally, Social Software That's Actually Useful

Somebody sent me a link to MediaChest, a site to share books, CDs, DVDs, etc:

Mediachest is a new concept based on social networking and what people own. It is based on the idea that someone in your circle of friends or someone you interact with on a regular basis owns or knows someone who owns items you are interested in borrowing. Mediachest allows you to keep track of your books, CDs, DVDs, and games. Using Mediachest is very easy. Adding items takes no time at all and work is being done everyday to make things easier. You can also include pictures of your collection if you feel like showing off what you own.

This seems like a distant cousin of BookCrossing, without the randomness.

Three Points for a Win

Some time in the nineties, some (all?) European football (that is, soccer) leagues decided to award teams with three points in the standings for a win instead of two. Draws would still be worth one point.

The thinking was that if the ratio of points/win to points/draw was increased, teams would be motivated to play a more offensive game to seek out the winning goal. I've only recently become a soccer fan, so I never really saw pre-three points games.

A similar change is being proposed for the NHL. So, I put this question to the soccer fans in my readership: what effect, if any, did going to three-point victories have on soccer?

I Have Seen This Entire Movie Before...

Earlier this week, I blew off work and went to The Girl with the Pearl Earring. Set in the 1660s in Holland, it's based on this novel and tells a fictional story about the subject of Johannes Vermeer's masterpiece.

The fusty, fussy Colin Firth and the excellent Scarlett Johansson--an actress apparently type-cast to have complex relationships with men twice her age (see also Lost in Translation, The Man Who Wasn't There, Ghostworld and The Horse Whisperer--well, I suppose that last one is more like four times)--star as Vermeer and his new maid, respectively. The maid is sent off to work for Vermeer and his overbearing wife, but, uh, brings more to the table as the film goes on.

This film has all the chopping, grinding and boiling of Like Water for Chocolate, all of the broken barriers of the servants and the served of Gosford Park and all of the sexual repression of every Merchant-Ivory picture ever made.

With one exception, the film is a well-made biopic period piece. The exception, however, fascinated me. The filmmakers have gone to great lengths, I think, to make the film feel like the Dutch paintings of that period (namely, Vermeer, Rembrandt and their contemporaries). It's quite a dark film, with earthy tones and a restricted focus.

In fact, many scenes in the film are set up to be exactly like famous paintings. I recognized a few, which was kind of intellectually satisfying. What was more interesting, however, was the ones I kind of, maybe, sort of recognized. I would see a shot or scene, and somewhere, way back in my reptilian brain stem, would feel like I'd seen it before. It was an odd thing, to have this constant feeling of vague recognition. The movie felt strangely familiar, yet I could rarely identify why.

Here's what the other critics thought.

Off the Grid for a Few Hours

Random Acts of Kindness

Flowers for Al and Don

If you want something done right, and quickly, you need to do it yourself. So, I give you Flowers for Al and Don.

This afternoon, on Boing Boing, I read about this great idea. Basically, people are generously sending flowers to random gay couples waiting in line to get married in San Francisco. This is a brilliant idea, but I immediately recognized a problem. The flower shop cited, Flowers by the Bay, is apparently charging a minimum of US $47 to deliver these flowers. That's probably market value, but it's a bit steep for individuals who might want to help out (particularly if they're paying in Canadian dollars or other weaker currencies).

Hence, Flowers for Al and Don. I'm using my PayPal account to collect money, with which I'll buy bouquets in bulk for the couples in line. You can donate as much or little as you please, and I pledge that every cent (minus the PayPal fees, obviously) that I receive will go to this project. If you make a donation, and want your name and/or Web site to be listed below, let me know when making your payment in PayPal.

If things go well, I'll register FlowersforAlandDon.org and move the site there.

Spread the word. I think it's a simple, great idea (much like Penny Arcade's Child's Play project) that, basically, could make a lot of people happy.

Flowers for the New Couples

This is a great idea. From Boing Boing, we learn of a strategy to send flowers to the gay couples waiting in line to get married in San Francisco.

If some Frisco flower shop were really smart, they'd get a quick-order button on their Web site ASAP. Instead of calling, people could just click the button, enter their credit card details and send off the flowers. As the bouquets apparently start at $35 US, they should also enable people to contribute to group flower purchases.

In truth, what somebody should do, is just create, say, www.FlowersForAlandDon.com, which would just serve as a donation page for flowers. Hmmm...

Don't Forget the Oscar Contest

Don't forget the first annual Barefoot Oscar Contest. As you'll recall, there's 10 dollar-units up for grabs. We've had about 50 entries so far, so keep them coming. Don't worry if you haven't seen all (or any) of the movies--neither has half the Academy. I'll be posting my guesses a couple of days before the event, which is on February 29.

Who Are You Again?

From Women.com, some sage advice on how to survive if you wake up next to someone whose name you don't remember:

1. Evidence of your partner's name exists somewhere nearby. Your task will be to find it before he awakens, or before he starts any sort of meaningful conversation.
2. Get up and go to the bathroom. The bathroom is a normal place to visit first thing in the morning, and it is also a place where you might discover his name.
3. Look through the medicine cabinet for prescription medicines with his name on the label.

This is why it's always advisable--unless you think you've found your true love--not to sleep over. Sadly, this has never happened to me. I expect it will once I become an addled octogenarian, but that's not really the same thing, is it? Has this ever happened to you? How'd that work out for you?

A Really, Really Big Case of You

"Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time"

You know, there are press clippings, and then there are press clippings. We find, via freakgirlspew, the Joni Mitchell Library. This database currently features 1080 articles, reviews, interviews, opinions, and news items. These aren't links, they're the whole article dumped into a database. And, they're looking for help in typing more articles.

While I can understand hoarding a musician's rare recordings and bootlegs, I can't really get behind collecting every single word written about her. Eighty percent of this content is going to be trite interviews and cushy album previews. Once again, the Internet brings fandom to a whole new level.

The Face of Little Death

Every once in a while, I have a good idea and don't act on it. This is because I'm too lazy or too busy to do anything about it. Like the invention of the telescope, however, other people have the same idea at the same time.

For example, at roughly the same time, myself and Darren Aronofsky read a fascinating article in the New Yorker about two zaney Russians who had converted their apartment into a super-computer and were searching for God in a billion digits of pi. We both thought this would make for good drama. I wrote a play and never produced it. He wrote a much cleverer film, produced it and has since become a successful director. I used to be bitter, but I'm over it.

There have been some others, I suspect, but I can't really remember them now. There is, of course, my idea for chocolate-covered pretzels. Are those commerically available yet? I gave my idea for a new consulting service--computer mortician--to the public domain last year.

Other times, though, I'm just pleased that someone else has devised what I couldn't (or couldn't be arsed). This idea came to me after reading Nicholson Baker's excellent Vox and being involved in an theatrical adaptation of it (truly, some of the weirdest rehearsals I've ever experienced and a good story, but another time). In it, one of the characters says "if any woman anywhere has an orgasm, I want to know." Additionally, the character fixates on the faces of the women in pornographic magazines. He's constantly evaluating their veracity of their apparent pleasure, and usually disappointed.

That got me thinking about making a site that only shows people's faces during orgasm. No nudity, per se. Just their faces. I wasn't sure if it would sell, frankly. Plus, there's the difficult job of separating the (many, many) fakers from the real ones. Plus, you know, I didn't want to go into porn.

However, the people who run beautiful agony did (or do, as it were). They're just a bunch of videos of the faces of people in mid-climax. They provide no certificates of authenticity, so you'll have to judge for yourself (there are a couple brief free previews). They look pretty convincing to me. I think that this site is safe, but possibly unsuitable for work.

You Know You've Made it Big When...

You're in the Hindustan Times. My site was cited in an article about spam poetry. It references this off-the-cuff entry in which I compose several odes for the ages.

The Isrealis are Thinking Outside the Box

This is gross, but I admire the lateral thinking behind it. The always-informative Mirabilis links to a story of how Israel might use pig fat to ward off suicide bombers:

Israeli police are said to be considering putting bags of pig fat on buses and in shopping centres to try to deter Muslim suicide bombers. The suggestion is based on the fact that strict Muslim tradition says any Muslim who comes in contact with a pig before dying will be denied access to paradise.

"Move that ferkakta bacon so I can sit down, would you?"

Update on the Vancouver Sun's Online Offerings

About three weeks ago, I bemoaned the fact that, like many papers around the world, the Vancouver Sun was starting to charge for its online edition. At that time, I called them up to see how much it costs, and they couldn't tell me.

I called back today to find out. It tooks the customer service rep about two minutes to locate the price--she was going through old emails to find out how much it cost. Clearly, they're not getting tons of calls on this. Introductory offers aside, it's going to cost $13.99/month for access to the online version, and an additional $3.99 for something called the electronic edition. As far as I can tell, the electronic edition is a digitally-rendered version of each page of the paper. You can click on any story or ad, and read the full text.

Why anyone would want this goofy 'electronic edition' add-on is mystifying to me. If I've got access to the searchable, online edition, what do I care what the paper looks like? Any shaved baboon can search the site to locate a specific story. It's got compelling archival uses, but not for the average consumer.

By comparison, getting the dead-tree version of the paper costs $16.83 a month.

SilkBlogs Just a Lot of Spin

I was interested (if highly skeptical) to hear about the release of SilkBlogs, 'an enterprise blogging solution that provides a people-centric (yowza) means for sharing thoughts, ideas, information and documents on the Web'. SilkWare makes content management solutions, so this is a natural fit. However, having given it a quick once-over, it's apparent to me how this is much of an improvement on MovableType or Blogger. Their product differentiation points are pretty bogus:

• Support - Clearly this is a shot at the roll-your-own MT solution. Blogger has decent support, as does TypePad, so this is hardly applicable.
• Security - They say that 'SilkBlogs is the only blogging solution that is built from ground up to be geared towards the management of groups of users'. They've got remarkable insight into the development of other blogging tools, don't they? Regardless, MT, TypePad, Blogger (and possibly Radio Userland) all have user management.
• Content Management - Yes, they make content management solutions. Is SilkBlogs just a strategy to sell through customers to their other, pricier systems? It's unclear to me--aside from robust cutting and pasting--how SilkBlogs' content management strategy is any more sophisticated than any of its competitors.

In short, I'm not buying (quite literally) this 'enterprise' bullocks. If they're really going to position themselves as the corporate blogging tool of choice, they've got to offer a lot more than the current tool sets.

If they're savvy about marketing this product, somebody from SilkRoad will find this entry and reply to my criticisms. Check it out--the blog as viral (anti-)marketing.

Corporate Blogging

Increasingly, my personal weblog experience and my business are converging. I just had a client come back from DEMO 2004--a big conference for product launches. He said that "blogging and RSS was really big" at the show, and was interested in what they could do for his company. A while back, I gave a speech on building online communities in which I said:

Weblogs are another way for other people in your company to get involved. Weblogs are straight-forward to set up, and simple to post to. They’re an excellent way to capture and publish timely knowledge. Engineers are always emailing pertinent articles to each other. Often these articles would be of interest to customers—they’re a perfect item for a weblog.

Blogs reinforce the freshness of your site. There were two items posted to the CapeScience Weblog over the weekend. How current is that? We leverage this content by republishing the item titles or ‘headlines’ on our front page.

Blogs, by their nature, are highly connected. To other blogs, to Web sites, etc. It’s a highly social model, so the blog acts as a marketing tool that can draw other people to your site.

Clearly, I'm a big advocate of the corporate weblog. It provides an effective, informal means of communicating with your existing and potential customers.

I'll All Down with the Orkut

Here's my pipe dream. All of these social software projects will merge into one meta-project, neatly merging all of our data and relationships. Of course, that will never happen.

This reminds me of Tim O'Reilly's keynote speech at ETech. He covers what's on his radar. None of it is particularly surprising, but they're all interesting points. He's got a nice broad perspective on social software and what he calls 'second-order network effects'. It's definitely worth a listen. IT Conversations is a great site, actually. No required registration, and plenty of fascinating speakers to listen to. I've taken to listening to a speech or interview while working out (assuming, of course, none of the asshats turn the stereo up to 11).

Thanks to those who invited me to Orkut. I'm all hooked up. If anybody not in Orkut wants in, I'm happy to return the favour. What we'll do now isn't apparent to me. Wait for the Orkut-killer to come along, I guess. Here's a feature request for Orkut (and all the social networks)--I want a permanent, publically-accessable URL to my profile. Maybe I've got one and just haven't found it yet?

All Right, Orkutize Me

I'm caving, after getting LinkedIn, joining the Tribe and becoming just another Friendster, I was just saying no to any more freakin' social software experiments. However, the collective babble about Orkut has grown too loud, and the tiny devil whispering in my ear tells me that I must partake (my Precious).

With the fear that usually accompanies the massive distribution of personal information, I went to www.orkut.com. It turns out that they're all cliquey, and you have to be invited to get in. This is apparently the country club of social software. Somebody invite me so that I can be among the social softwarati. My email address is darren at darrenbarefoot full-stop com.

Indians on Outsourcing

An unusual Slashdot interview in which Slashdotters pose questions to Indian developers. The discussion puts a personal face on technology outsourcing, and had some interesting insights into the high-tech workplace in India:

As per Indian Law there has to be at least 14 days of earned leave and 7 days of sick leave. This is excluding the 3 national holidays (Republic Day, Independence Day, Gandhi Jayanti); 3 Hindu Holidays, 2 Muslim Holidays and 2 Christian Holidays, Plus 1 State holiday.

Ashvini Vishvakasarma, a consultant with Techspan, feels that American and European companies currently outsourcing work to India won't hesitate for a second to move their work elsewhere if they find a cheaper alternative. "They will move in a flash," he says. "They're leaving for the Philippines already. It's very disturbing for Indian programmers."

You can have a decent life in New Delhi for around $12,000 US per year -- but to earn that much you'll probably need to have source of income from another country -- like programming outsourced from the U.S. or Europe -- because most white-collar jobs there pay $6000 US or less, and burger-flipping there is likely to net you more like $2000, which may not be enough to afford an apartment with electricity and running water.

There was also an interesting feature article on this subject in Wired magazine a couple months back.

Holy Crap, Cathy's Getting Married

I was shocked to read that the sour, self-obsessing spinster from the comics page is actually engaged. This is like Rex Morgan going postal and laying waste to the entire office with a shotgun. Cathy's finally succumbed to Irving's obvious charms (his round head, his out-turned flat feet) and answered positively when he finally popped the question. Given that the comic has apparently been running since 1976, it's high time that it enjoyed, you know, some plot. Aack.

Liberals Looking at a Minority?

In case you didn't know, the ruling party of Canada is embroiled in $100-million sponsorship program scandal at the moment. The early word was that there would be an April election, but now I suspect that the Liberals will delay is as long as they can. Perhaps not until October, 2005 (which I think is as long as they can), but certainly not until summer. The Conservative Party must be salivating at the opportunity to grab some seats.

Which brings me to Don's posting on the Election weblog, in which he evaluates the results of a recent poll. Despite the current scandal, if the election was held today, the Liberals are still looking at winning a minority government. That would be fun, wouldn't it?

Quick Plug: Elixir of Love

My good friend Matthew Bissett directed Elixir of Love, a Donizetti opera playing at the very groovy Shadbolt Centre in Burnaby. Opera isn't my bag (nor my purse, my valise or my sac a main), but I watched a preview and was, relatively speaking, entertained. Matthew's a creative and gifted director, and has set the opera on a cactus farm in Texas. This makes for some gun-toting western humour and plenty of chaps (both the singing lads and the leggings).

I also notice that my former classmate TJ Dawe performed at the Shadbolt Centre in late January.

Far Too Canadian

In a baldfaced attempt to be included in David P. Janes's Carnival of the Canucks with a political bent, I post the lyrics to the song I always think of in times of controversy on Parliament Hill. I'm likely to get out-opined on the current scandal(s), so I'll take a different tact.

One of my Irish friends accused us Canadians as being 'only slight less boring than the Belgians'. Sad but true, I think.

Far Too Canadian
Spirit of the West

I'm so content, to stand in line
Wait and see, pass the time
Talk a streak, fall alseep, wake up late, whine and weep
I kiss the hand that slaps me senseless
I'm so accepting, so defenseless

I am far too Canadian
Far too Canadian

I pick the bones, of what's been done
Lick them clean, with a cautious tongue
In dim lit rooms, I spill my guts
I'm the revolution when the doors are shut
I'd bite the hand that slaps me senseless
But my patience is too relentless

I am far too Canadian
Far too Canadian

I am the face of my country
Experssionless and small
Weak at the knees, shaking badly
Can't straighten up at all
I watch the spine of my country bend and break
I'm a sorry state

I scratch the walls, to mark the days
With my coup d e (tête), i'm locked away
With Mother Jones, pots of tea
The kitchen poster, anarchy
I never march in demonstrations
I hold my breath for arbitration

I am far too Canadian
Far too Canadian

I am the face of my country
Experssionless and small
Weak at the knees, shaking badly
Can't straighten up at all
I watch the spine of my country bend and break
I'm a sorry state

Why Isn't Couscous More Popular?

It's faster and easier to cook than rice, and, in my opinion, tastier. Are the rice lobbyists that powerful?

Visiting Vancouver

As I've mentioned, I had a couple of friends visiting from Ireland last week. The weather was ridiculously excellent (luck of the Irish, indeed). In preparation for their visit, we assembled a list o' fun things to do in and around Vancouver. They didn't do everything, but made a serious dent. This is a handy list if you've got any visitors coming (or, for my non-local visitors, you're considering visiting):

1. Go to a Canucks game
2. Granville Island
3. See a play at The Playhouse
4. Grouse Mountain for snowshoeing or skiing
5. Vancouver Art Gallery
6. Kitsalano Beach
7. Shopping on West 4th and south Granville St.
8. Walk around the Sea wall and English Bay
9. Kayaking at Deep Cove/False Creek
10. Museum of Anthropology, UBC
11. Visit Victoria or one of the Gulf Islands
12. Reifel Bird Sanctuary
13. Stanley Park
14. Harbour Air tour
15. Squamish for eagle watching
    

If I cared more about food, I'd recount all of the fine restaurants we visited last week. Their favourites were The Sandbar and C.

Link Round-Up: Interesting Articles

The hardcore Web crack will have to wait, as I've built up a plethora of articles:

• On Misbehaving.net, an interesting post and follow-up discussion about how to make conferences more women-friendly.
• From Mirabilis, we find instructions from 1637 on how to deal with Huron indians.
• A discussion of how journalists found (find?) accurate casualty stats on the war in Iraq.
• The gobshites who run James Joyce's estate want to ban public readings of his poetry.
• From Ray at vanderWonging.ca, the final word on film vs. digital.

Virtual Geetar

I recently restrung my acoustic guitar, and have been playing it a little bit. I've played for my own pleasure (and little else, except for the occasional wooing of women) since my early teens. I've got little skill and a limited repetoire, but I enjoy downloading chord sheets or tablature and wailing away.

When you download sheet music, you inevitably encounter chords that you've never heard of. I can consult my Incredible Chord Finder book, but this Web site just made things easier. It allows you to choose any variation of any chord and to strum a virtual guitar. The interface is simple and the tone sounds great. The best part, however, is the reverse lookup, where you arrange a chord and it can identify it for you. You can even retune the virtual guitar for different tunings, and store your favourite chords.
You can't actually play a song yet, but I'm sure that's coming. They ought to be charging money for this badboy.

Thanks to the excellent (and stylish) Coudal Partners for the tip-off.

The Company

Robert Altman is an unusual filmmaker. Many of his films--Pret a Porter, Gosford Park, The Player--introduce you to a world that seems to have a life of its own. The characters in the film seem to live before and after the film's events, and yours is a tiny window into their lives. The Company, which invites us into the world of the Joffrey Ballet of Chicago, is one of these films.

Altman eschews many of the conventions of Hollywood. His films are episodic, atmospheric and light on plot (sometimes even light on story). Events occur for no apparent reason, we witness a conflict but not its outcome, or a watch a resolution but never see the set-up. In this way, his films mimic real life. Additionally, Altman refuses to editorialize on his subject matter. The characters exist, events transpire, things happen, and we never really know how he feels about them.

I really appreciated how the film was so unlike Showgirls. All of the cliches that you'd expect--the backstage back-stabbing, the fraught diva, the up-and-comer who overcomes injury and steps into the limelight--are nowhere to be seen. I wouldn't want every movie I see to be Altmanesque, but they're a refreshing change of pace.

This project is a labour of love for Neve Campbell (yet another lovely Canadian), and she's got a credit as a producer. Unlike Monster, however, this isn't an actress's tour-de-force ego trip. She plays a part in this ensemble film, while some events centre on her, the movie isn't all about her. While she does dance some solos, there are many dances in which she's a background figure or that she doesn't appear in at all. She made a wise decision in securing Altman to direct, for he tends to take the 'star' out of the movie star.

Campbell danced with the National Ballet of Canada, and didn't seem out of place. I attended the movie with somebody who was far more familiar with dance, and she thought Campbell acquitted herself very well. Besides Malcolm McDowell as the queenly artistic director and James Franco as the minor love interest, the rest of the cast are real members of the Joffrey Ballet. This works for most of the film--the dancers are natural peformers. The seams do start to show when the stakes are raised and they come into conflict.

Because of this (and the dedication of his screenwriter), the film resonates as a very true portrayal of life in the performing arts. The artistic director as dictator, the fellowship of the players, the physical suffering of the dancers--it all seems very true and natural. I'm reminded of what David Mamet said: 'a life in the theatre is a life spent giving things away'. This is true both in the dancers' selfless dedication and their dodgy, cramped apartments.

There is plenty of dance in the film--too much, I think. I was more interested in the goings-on of the company. Additionally, the dance sequences were, for the most part, far too static for my liking. There seemed to be endless tracking shots from about the third row in the audience. Here Altman's lack of familiarity with the art form was apparent. That said, there's a pas de deux with Campbell and one of the Joffrey principles to the Kronos Quartet's 'My Funny Valetine' which is strikingly beautiful. Few directors have better composition that Altman.

I probably only see one live dance show a year. Sometimes it's ballet, other times its modern dance (what I sometimes refer as 'way too much wriggling'). In terms of Altman's style and the film's content, I knew what to expect. For the casual viewer, the camera provides a dynamism which makes the dance sequences very watchable.

The Company was preceded by a three-minute short film. It was part of Shadow Pleasures, a collaboration of former ballerina Victoria Tennant and (one of my favourite) author Michael Ondaatje. It was a gorgeous, senuous dance piece accompanied by Ondaatje reciting his wonderful poem The Cinnamon Peeler. Besides this brief mention, I can find little else on the Intarweb about it. Apparently the full version will premier on CBC-TV on March 11.

Here's what the other critics thought of the film.

A Rare Investment Tip

You're not going to get much investment advice on this site, but here's some: buy shares in ethanol producers. From CNN:

Researchers say they have produced hydrogen from ethanol in a prototype reactor small enough and efficient enough to heat small homes and power cars. The development could help open the way for cleaner-burning technology at home and on the road.

That's a big deal. One of the biggest barriers to employing greener, alternative energy sources is cost. If ethanol-to-hydrogen gets competitive with fossil fuels, it would be a real boost to the fuel cell economy. More importantly, it would make driving your car and heating your home a lot more environmentally-friendly.

Gender-Neutral Bathrooms

Donna, in writing about a speech she attended, links to an article about a gender-neutral bathroom at McGill University:

The washroom, which will be on the main floor, is designed to allow gender-variant students and students with disabilities “to utilise the washrooms with ease and dignity,” according to a SSMU press release. SSMU VP Community and Government Brianna Hersey said the executive chose to increase accessibility beyond the current McGill definition in order to better meet the needs of its marginalised students.

I'm not going to debate whether this should be a pressing concern of a Canadian university. The Ally McBealesque concept, however, intrigues me.

Back in the day, I worked at a community rec centre, and had plenty of time to muse on the nature of gender and changerooms. Why do we have gender-specific changerooms? Presumably, it's because of a Puritanical belief that if men and women are permitted to see each other naked, they'll be unable to control themselves and rampant orgies will ensue.

If that's the case, then why aren't our changerooms sexual-preference-specific? Why don't we have Gay Men, Straight Men, Gay Women, Straight Women and individual stalls for the Bisexuals? I considered this when, while at the Rec Centre (but not in the changeroom), I was hit on by a gay man. My metrosexuality aside, the incident reminded me that the gender-specific changeroom wans't necessarily a desexualized environment.

Me, I'm for one big changeroom. If an orgy breaks out, all the better.

Does Experience Count in Gaming?

I've been playing first-person shooters since the original Castle Wolfenstein 3D. I've killed more gurgling bullpig demons than I have slept nights on this earth.

While I was never a big Unreal Tournament player in the past, I downloaded the new 2004 demo last night. Though the graphics have gotten niftier and the animation is smoother, It's pretty much your standard first-person shooter. You run around, kill people, capture the flag, etc.

Last night I'm playing this demo for the first time. Judging by the chatter on the com channel, I'm playing against people nearly half my age. You know what? I was kicking their asses. To use the local argot:

1 4m 133t! 1 0wnz0r!

I'm getting older, and my reaction speed is only getting slower. Clearly, I had a faster 'twitch speed' when I was 16. The only explanation is that experience is of some value in first-person shooters. For example, I've learned to always fire rockets at players' feet, so that even if I miss they take 'splash damage'. I imagine the youngins will ramp up their skills faster, but in the meantime, I'm loving the domination.

Most White, Middle Class Dream Ever

There's nothing more dust-gatheringly dull than hearing about another person's dream, so I'll be brief.

Last night I dreamt that I was playing guitar in John Mayer's band. We were playing an outdoor venue, in front of a enormous crowd standing in the rain. We were between songs, and I said to John, "I feel like playing some Tom Petty." We broke into a lousy rendition of Don't Do Me Like That, with improvised lyrics.

What's that about?

The Third Generation of File Sharing

The geeks among my regular readers will be familiar with this, but others may not. That doesn't necessarily mean that you're a geek if you already know about this subject of this post, but it's likely.

BitTorrent is an inventive bit of software that is, in the opinion of this New York Times article, the 'third generation' of file sharing software. Like most good ideas, it has a gracefully simple premise:

BitTorrent, however, uses what could be called a Golden Rule principle: the faster you upload, the faster you are allowed to download. BitTorrent cuts up files into many little pieces, and as soon as a user has a piece, they immediately start uploading that piece to other users. So almost all of the people who are sharing a given file are simultaneously uploading and downloading pieces of the same file (unless their downloading is complete).

The other great feature, that I don't think the article mentions, is that you search the Web for BitTorrent links. There's no customized search functionality as there was with Kazaa or Napster. Because BitTorrent sits right on top of the Web, it's easier to use. I just used it to download the new Unreal Tournament 2004 Demo (BitTorrent links are here, Slashdot discussion is here). More on that later.

Let's Snowshoe!

My Irish friend spoke that phrase for the first (and possibly the last) time in his life yesterday. We went snowshoeing up on Grouse Mountain, one of the local ski hills within spitting distance of downtown. We had a good time, stomping among the trees for about a half hour. Here are a couple of photos (click for larger versions):

I consulted with a few people about the hows and wheres of snowshoeing, and wanted to include the information for anybody else local or visiting who might want to partake. Basically, the local mountains (I called Cypress and Grouse) rent snowshoes from morning to dusk. The trails are, technically speaking, open after dusk, but they won't give you snowshoes. So, if you're planning on going in the evening as we did, you need to rent snowshoes in the city before you go up. We rented ours from Altus Mountain Gear, which is across the street from MEC on Broadway. The guy who rented them to us was very zealous about the sport.

My friend Andrew has this to say:

As far as I can tell, it's not enforced. It's more of a cautionary thing...think NS News Headlines: "Stupid Snowshoers get lost on grouse at night" with your face plastered on the front page ;)

Kidding aside, I've snowshoed alot up there at night (I have my own). And as long as you are not stupid and stay on the trails it's OK. That being said it has to be a clear night, without any potential weather systems moving in. Also you should have: Lots of extra clothes (enough so you could bivouac the night), candles, Headlamps etc...I guess I'm safety boy.

The above stuff probably only applies if you want to go up Dam Mtn. or the other higher up trials. The other thing to consider is that there are some little trails that go around the Chalet area that are pretty well laid out with little chance of getting lost. IE you are never more than a few hundred feet of the chalet or a skil lift/run. Those are the trails we went on on NYE with the group. They are OK if all you are looking for is an hour of tramping around before hitting the bar.

If you are looking for things to do, consider Cypress and their night time fondue/snowshoe treks (guided I blv)...or cross-country skiing at Seymour or Cypress. All of their trails are lit.

My friend Chanelle had this to add:

You can rent snowshoes from a few places. If you're going up to the local mountains, the mountains will have equipment rental. If you want to rent them in town, you can rent them from MEC, Altus, or Valhalla Pure Outfitters. They are all in the same vicinity near the Lyns. Make sure you get recreational ones. The ones the girls rented were a bit on the large size for regular trekking, but were cheaper at $8/day as opposed to $16/day.

Also, if you want them for a weekend, MEC is always sold out, the other places sell out quickly too, sometimes you have to book them days beforehand, snowshoeing has become quite popular! It's quite fun, excellent source of cardio.

You're all set. Get cracking before all the snow melts.

Gather Round PhotoShop Gurus

I'm merely a Photoshop Journeyman myself, and I need some help with colour settings. Basically, I think they're jacked, and here's why: whenever I use the Save for Web functionality (which is often), the colour in the resulting image always looks significantly different than what I see in Photoshop. The same is true, incidentally, if I just use the Save As functionality. Here's a comparison (big image ahead).

Here's what my colour settings currently look like. I have no idea what they should be. Can anybody offer any suggestions?

Single Women are Buying All the Houses

I've got several single, female friends in their late-20s and early-30s who have bought or are considering buying real estate (mostly apartments). In some cases they're living in them, while others are renting them as investments. So, this article came as no surprise:

More single women than ever are purchasing real estate in North America, making them the largest purchasers of homes behind couples and edging out single males for second spot. Statistics compiled by the National Association of Realtors in the U.S. show that during 2003, single women purchased approximately one in five homes compared to one in 10 for single men.

Have the prospects for men ever been better? Not only can you date, live with and marry a woman who has a lucrative full-time job, but she probably owns more real estate than you as well.

Ker-Ching

Vancouver game developer and my former employer (from a while back) Radical Entertainment signed a six-game deal with Vivendi Universal Games. At $5 to $10 million per game, that's some serious cashola. Additionally, there's apparently a take-over option that Vivendi may undertake if the games sell well.

If you're an unemployed game developer in Vancouver, I think you know who to call.

Now that I mention it, do any of my readers work at or know anyone who works at EA Sports or Radical (I seem to recall that somebody's boyfriend does, among others)? I've done contract writing work in the past for those companies, and have enjoyed it. I might like to do some more. If you've got any fancy contacts (or if you know the cleaning staff), drop me an email.

Kowabunga, Finally, a Movie

Though they've faltered a bit in recent years, the Simpsons are hilarious satire. I've always admired the following they achieved. From the intellectual upper-class to the working-class, everybody loves the Simpsons. The best art can be consumed on multiple levels--the six-year-old and the sixty-eight-year-old professor both find merit in it.

But I deviate from the point: they're making a Simpsons movie (thanks, Tagliners).

Canadian Studies?

Monsieur (Madame?) Diction over at Bene Diction Blogs On references an article in the Christian Science Monitor about Canadian Studies programs at American universities:

In an ideal world, they say, Canadian studies programs would be as strong at all American colleges as they are at places like UVM, Plattsburgh, Bridgewater (Mass.) State College, and the University of Maine, Orono. But considering that, according to Mr. Kirkey, only 55 schools currently offer classes in Canadian studies and only about 10 of those offer it as a major or minor (others offer it as an interdisciplinary class), this is indeed a long shot.

A degree in Canadian Studies? I hate to sound like the stereotypical humble Canadian, but what's that about, eh? What kind of hoser would want a whole degree in Canada? Surely that's the quickest way to get laughed out of any alumni society. "So, what did you major in?" "Oh, you know, Canada" (merciless belly laughter ensues). I suppose the world needs a handful of Canada/US-relations experts, but surely there are better ways to spend four years of your life.

I'm Bullish on Gigli

A post by Pericat about Jodie Foster and Tusker reminded me that I was still holding 10,000 shares in that damn film. I refer here to my long-ignored Hollywood Stock Exchange account, where you can buy and sell stock in movies, actors and musicians. For movies, you try to buy well below what you think the box office income for the film will be.

My net worth is $4,191,803.89, I'm ranked 137,672nd and am up +74.66% since I started the thing years and years ago. I note that the lifetime leader on the site is up 213,040.78% and has a net worth of a little over $4.25 billion. I've got a ways to go to catch up.

A while back (like, eighteen months maybe), I bought really cheap shares in Tusker, Flora Plum and a likely-dead Tarantino project called KillShot. I see that Flora Plum is in pre-production, so I might cash in on that.

I've always thought that the HSX would be a fantastic way to teach young people about the stock exchange. They're already comfortable with celebrities as commodities, so why not take the next step and actually buy and sell them?

Last year, the BBC launched a near-copy of the same idea called Celebdaq.

A Rant on Rap

Rap has never really been my thing. I don't have anything against it, but I never felt like I could relate to what all those angry, mostly black guys were talking about. That was probably because I'm white, middle-class and from Canada. There was a discussion about the Grammys and rap music in the Canucks newsgroup recently, and a regular named Bob offered this list of reasons for not liking rap:

bravado, cliche, wrestling nicknames, lack of melody, cultural references that mean nothing to me like gun culture, money grubbing culture, bouncy car culture, drug dealing culture, pimp/ho culture, its buy-in to "baby momma" rasta irresponsibility, graffiti, break dancing, gun culture and general violent bits of being human that seem to be one of its defining catch 22s, dumbing down of language, cliche, BAD production, its mainstreamness, its destruction of english, yo yo, retarded handshakes, baggy pants, visible underwear, head gear, the tough image as the norm, loose, vague and obviously misunderstood referrences to some god, that squelchy noise and more, but i'm tired... I like a couple tracks and some of it might actually be good poetry... but mostly the people just bug me...

Buy George Best's Liver

George Best might be described as the Phil Esposito of English soccer. Well, he was more prominent than Phil, but of the same ilk. He was a notorious smoker, boozer and womanizer. Now you can bid on the ultimate sports collectable and acquire his diseased liver:

A 'must have' item for all true collectors of football memorabilia. This is the diseased liver recovered from the incinerator organ bin at London's Cromwell Hospital in July 2002. It has been in the freezer since then and is in perfect condition. Perfect in the sense that it is complete but it's obviously not suitable for transplant or for serving with bacon and onion gravy.

As it's illegal to auction body parts on eBay (why do I know that?), this page isn't liable to active for long.

Link Round-Up: Web Stuff

What are you doing working? Surely whatever you're doing is less important than randomly surfing the Web.

• Gamasutra, the art and science of making games.
• This is kind of creepy: your one-stop resource for female latex masks on the Internet. This page is fine, but some internal pages may be unsafe for work (and may cause surreal nightmares).
• Interview with Ben Mezrich, the author of a book on how MIT students hack casinos. The Wired story where the book started is also an excellent read.
• They changed the name of my favourite Mozilla browser again. It used to be Phoenix, then it became Firebird and with version 0.8, it's Firefox. I just sent them a small donation for their excellent product--if you're a long-term Mozilla user, I suggest that you do too.
• A history of sex on film (safe but for a couple small, grainy shots of nude people). "The very first kiss on film was between a Victorian couple seen in the Edison kinetoscope The May Irwin Kiss (1896). This titillating short 20-second film was denounced as shocking and pornographic to early moviegoers and caused the Roman Catholic Church to call for censorship."

We're All a Big Dysfunctional Family

Here's the load of bollocks that the president of the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences was carrying on about last night.

Those fools have actually added a message forum to their site. For companies, I'm a big advocate of public message forums. There's an important rule the Internet follows: 'If you don't give people somewhere to talk about your products and services, they'll make their own.' However, when you're using a Web site to advocate an (frequently unpopular) opinion, the last thing you want to do is let other people highjack your site.

Did they really imagine that enough pro-legal download people would visit the message board and rise to the RIAA's and MPAA's defence? This board will be drowned in a tidal wave of anti-music industry polemics. I've already posted mine. The traffic on this site must be massive. In 6 minutes two people replied to my post.

The State of Popular Music

The Grammys were on in the other room tonight, so I got to hear much of them. What is wrong with pop music these days? Was there a single performance that wasn't melody-free and dull? Did a single song have a message besides 'love is good' or 'heartbreak is bad'? Man, I'll take Chumbawamba over this dreck any day. Nobody does bubblegum pop like the Europeans (and Kylie Minogue, I suppose).

Could it be that the music industry is suffering and CD sales down because today's pop music sucks?

I should note that I am not espousing Chumbawamba or Ms. Minogue as exceptional artists--just that they're way more fun and entertaining than anything I heard tonight.

UPDATE: I just heard Earth, Wind and Fire, George Clinton and Outkast (which of these is not like the others), so I must partially retract my former statement. They brought the funk, kicked its ass and threw it back.

Museum of Anthropology

Yesterday we went to UBC's wonderful Museum of Anthropology to edjumucate the Irish visitors about local history and the like. Even if you've never been to this museum, you've probably seen it. It's a common location for films and television shows that are shot locally. The first time I saw it was in The Crush, that lifeless Alicia Silverstone vehicle. I'm pretty sure I've seen it in The X-Files as well. Can any locals offer other examples?

Brief celeb-spotting tangent: Yesterday we sat near Allison Mack--Chloe on Smallville-- at the Yaletown Brewery.

One of the featured scupltures at the museum is Bill Reid's incredible carving of the Haida creation story. Having grown up on the West Coast, I've had my fill of education and edutainment about First Nations people. I've seen more totem poles than you can, well, shake a stick at. However, Reid's work always surprises me--though it uses traditional techniques, it has an incredibly modern feel to it. There's a massive jade scultpure at the internationl terminal of the Vancouver aiport that must be seen to be believed.

I took a few photos of the Reid sculpture and the museum.

A Paean to Online Grocery Shopping

As regular readers know, I really don't like shopping. For me, the most detestable kind is grocery shopping. I'm not particularly interested in food, so buying it brings me no joy.

A couple of years ago, I tried ordering my groceries online and have never looked back. It was most convenient when we lived in Dublin and didn't have a car--all of the best shops were in the suburbs, anyway. On a well-designed site, I can order my groceries in about twenty minutes (the better sites keep 'favourite' lists of commonly-purchased items and have them delivered in a two-to-four hour window, including evenings and weekends.

When I sing the praises of this practice, the most common concern I hear is that people like to pick out their own produce and fresh meat. I've never had any complaints with the virtual shoppers--I think they take extra care because they're shopping for someone else. In fact, the shoppers from Stongs--our local service provider--would occasionally call to clarify an item or ask about a substitition. The delivery fee for Stongs is $10, and in Ireland we used Tesco and it cost 7 euros. When you consider the grocery shopping takes at least an hour of your time (plus transportation costs), that's well worth it.

The LiveJournal of Gwydion from King's Quest III

Ireland Comes to Vancouver

We've got a couple of Irish friends coming to Vancouver for a visit. It's such a joy to hear their accents. It's so darling how they say 'cam' for 'calm' and 'shewer' for 'shower'. I really enjoy playing tour guide, especially to people visiting Canada for the first time.

I've recently enjoyed reading Dervala's site, where her lingo makes me pine slightly for the old country. This entry in particular highlights the Vancouver and Irish common obsession with real estate in a conversation with her hair dresser. Charming Irish usage includes:

"He’s thinking of selling his house. Herself insisted on moving out there, but it’s too far out." - Herself referring to the man's wife.

"Your man wants $625K for it." - Confusing at first, but roughly equivalent to 'the guy'. It always suggested to me that I somehow had an intimate relationship with the man in question. "Your one" is a gender neutral alternative.

"Sure why would I do that?" - 'Sure' is used here as a sort of conjunction, I suppsoe.

Her Limerick stylists summarizes Dublin life rather aptly: "It’s no life up there. Half the day trying to get to work, and then no one wants to go out at night because the mortgage is so high."

What the Heck is This?

I'm reading my copy of Wired magazine, and I happen to glance at an ad. It's a photo of a bunch of athletic-looking legs, and one artificial limb. I'd guess that the athletes are supposed to be at some kind of ceremony, because there appear to be petals on the ground. However, beside one athlete's foot, there's two small objects. One might be a power bar wrapper, but it seems to have an odd shape. You can view the ad with the object magnified. What is that thing, and why is it in the ad?

UPDATE: My personal LazyWeb rarely fails me. Peter, from Mighty Fast Pig, offers the solution. Apparently it's an oddly-shaped wrapper from a PowerGel bar.

Rising Tuition Fees

Yesterday, BC students held a day of protest over rising tuition fees. Now that I've been on the other side of the fence for a few years, I can see that they've got a real public relations problem. In short, hardly any non-students seem to care about tuition fees.

But to the point: Here are some facts that BC students failed to mention:

• They still pay less for tuition than Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Ontario, Saskatchewan and Alberta. So, most of Canada (Quebec has remarkably low tuitions--lucky French).
• Although BC students have seen big rises in their tuitions over the past two years, tuition increases over the last decade has been 15% below the national average.
• BC tuition fees only average $4140 for the 2003/04 school year.

So, while I got a lucky ride from the NDP government during the 90s, it's hard to have much sympathy for BC students. They're simply facing the same costs as most other Canadian students. All of these numbers come from this Stats Canada page.

UPDATE: A colleague of mine wrote an editorial along similar lines when he was at Simon Fraser University. He was not popular with his fellow students.

PowerPoint Anthology of Literature

Becky points to the PowerPoint Anthology of Literature, which amusingly summarizes Hamlet's most famous speech and the opening page of Lolita (for my money, the finest opening in any novel, anywhere) as PowerPoint slides. These are kind of old jokes (remember the meme that was the Gettysburg address), but still entertaining.

It would have been funnier, and a bigger project, to summarize all of Hamlet as a series of PowerPoint slides. That would actually be a great project for an advanced English high school class. Not only would they have to comprehend the play, but they'd have to get irony.

Spam and Extreme Snowmobile Babes

My friend Tom Murphy and I use the same spam-blocking software. When you install it, Qurb scans your Outlook folders and generates a whitelist of acceptable recipients. Every other email goes into a Qurb folder, which I have to scan regularly to ensure that I'm not missing emails from new contacts. I like this approach because I get no spam in my Inbox, and don't have to bother 'teaching' my email program what is spam and what isn't. For now, it's an adequate solution. However, Tom makes a good point regarding the Qurb folder:

I probably get around 400 spam messages overnight, every night. With that volume of spam, I have to rely on the subject line to decide whether to hit the delete button or not. E-mails that have blank subjects or have subjects such as "Hi", "Hello", "Information for you" etc. are deleted.

There have been a number of e-mails that I've deleted recently from friends because of the subject line. I'm sure this is the same for everyone. This subject line descision making underlines the importance of thinking clearly about the subject of your e-mail. If your e-mail looks like spam it'll be deleted. It's worth taking half a minute to think about that when you're sending an important e-mail to a new contact.

If you've emailed me and I've never replied, it's probably not because I'm rude. I've just missed your email in my regular parsing of the Qurb folder.

UPDATE: Another signifier is the gibberish email address. I scan the Subject column first, and then if I'm unsure about an email, I take a look at the email address. Most of the time it's 'jyuirj@attbi.com', which confirms that it's spam.

Bonus link: While scanning ye olde Qurb folder, I spotted the subject line 'snowmobile calendar'. Given the recent trend of nonense terms in the subject line of spam mails (beetle expense coagulate harvest! destinate hawkins buckskin! button cynthia!), I almost skipped it. Something made me look, though, and indeed it was a legitimate offer. I give you http://www.xtremesnowbabes.com. A calendar of scantily-clad girls on snowmobiles for a mere US $9.99. Apparently 'this is the only thing Sledding [sic] has been missing'. How Canadian.