Addicted to novelty since 2001

Worst Baby Names Ever

A while back, I wrote a cautionary post about naming your children. My friend Gwendolyn recently sent me a link to Baby’s Named a Bad, Bad Thing, subtitled ‘A Primer on Parent Cruelty’.

It’s simple. Some parents are just plain crazy. But few are as crazy as many soon-to-be parents, who, wrapped up in the fear and anticipation, the social status and expectations, go just plain mad. Mad as march hares with swollen ankles and morning sickness. The following is a catalog of naming questions and suggestions posted on several different baby naming bulletin boards going back as far as early 2001. All entries are left unedited except for length.

I had a quick look around the site. Most of the names break at least one of my rules. For example, “I heard the name Zavary today for a boy. I love it!” God help little Zavary.

928 Responses to “Worst Baby Names Ever”

  1. HTC

    Worst name ever—-
    pronounced A SHEET but looks like A SHIT!

  2. Christensen Lehman

    Hands down, the worst male name is Philip

    Kelly Reply:

    With all these “unique” names…How will there
    Grandparents find them a pen at the Tourist centre with there names on them?

  3. Rhiannon

    It’s sites like this that make me ashamed to be a part of the human race. Reading the comments alone was painful. Everyone has a right to an opinion, it’s one of the first lessons we’re supposed to learn as a child. Apparently some people never learned said lesson, though, and that’s a damn shame. The people who reply to things like this just to be trolls should shut the hell up. For the rest of you, I’m very interested in hearing your opinion, as long as you say it in a way that doesn’t force it on others.

    Teren Reply:

    to the person who created this website

    i think you should terminate this webste because we may start a mini war. too many people are pulling offencive comments on autistic children and mentaly challenged children. i hope you read this. hope you agree with me.

    one of your worried commenters

  4. Rhiannon

    My favorite boy names are Damian (Just because that was the name of the anti-christ in one movie shouldn’t mean people should freak out about people actually having that name, it’s a beautiful name) and Valin. Skyler and Aidan are cool, too.

    I don’t really have a favorite girl name, but there is a girl on my street named Automn Lily, and her brother’s name is Everest.

  5. Elizabeth

    I would just like to say wow. My faith in the human race has just diminished, and the realization of how many people should not have children due to human stupidity and should be removed from the gene pool has just been confirmed.

    How ignorant of all of you for criticizing someone for their name, you are officially the definition of shallow.

    A name is a name, every parent has the right to name their child as they wish, just like all of you *gasp, what a thought*. To sit here are call someones name stupid, retarded, or gay is just unacceptable.

    The original idea is to just say what you think the worst names are, don’t take offense and start attacking one another. It is an opinion. You are allowed ti have one! Attacking the person or the parents really juvenile. This is just about the name.

    For example I think the worst name is: Free, Draco, Buddy, Harry, Sookie Alicia and Apple. I dislike these names simply because to me they are not ideal.

    However someone I know here will argue that the names I like: Alex (Alexander or Alexandrya), Rose, Ann, Isabella, Wayne, Alice, River. I prefer the traditional names over modern ones.

    Teren Reply:

    i agree to the fullest. and its christmas eve and almost 2012, dont we already have the END OF THE WORLD to worrie about? be nice and state opinions, not hate opinions, or should i say attacks. i think someone should scan the site and kick people off if they do something rude. everyone is given a username and if you dont be nice youll get kicked off.

    Teren Reply:

    i dont like the name declan. OHH IM SOOOO SCARED… what are you going to do ask for my adress and kill me in my sleep? and yes Teren, pronounced TERREN, is my real name, live with it HATERS

    cmpunk Reply:

    im in wwe i can ko you with the go to sleep

  6. Richard

    Try not to give your male child a name that can be mistaken for a female name; Linsay, Laverne, Lorry, Leslie. The child will always be correcting teachers and when grown to adult, potential employers. Why deliberately spell a name wrong just to be different? Again the child is forever having to correct those around him or her about the spelling. Pick a name and say it aloud. If it sounds harsh or hard that’s a boy’s name. A soft sounding name is for a girl. Does that sound unreasonable?

  7. patricia

    I was my mothers first daughter she didn’t think she would have more children after me, so I ended up with a long name. Patricia Carolyn Elizabeth Christina all names of family members and my mother herself. I am know as Pat Jr. or P.J.

  8. Iaming

    I have 2 sons named Ryan and Rob
    2 daughters named Stephanie and Sedonie
    They like their names…I love them!!

  9. Taylor

    i really like the names mercedres,ella evangeline,and calen and skyler for a boy what do you think????

  10. Olivia

    What I find funny is how a simple article concerning names can turn into a full-on bashing of each other. Yes, some people choose outrageous words for their child’s names, but that’s their own choice. Picking a name for your child is a responsibility of the parent, and whatever they choose, is to be accepted. Your opinion may differ and you may not like it, but the same could go for them when it comes to your choice in names. It’s really a matter of taste.
    My parents picked my name because at the time it was quite uncommon… Now I’m in a class with 2 other Olivia’s, and wherever I go, there’s a baby named Olivia.

  11. Claude

    My 8 year old son’s name is Stryder.
    (no relation to LOR)

    Took me a few weeks of getting to know my son before I named him.

    He loves it, and he gets very positive reactions from people.

    Good luck.

  12. Jim-Bob

    The two worst names of all time are: John and Mary.

  13. Chris

    The worst names are: Sophie, Thomas, James, Emily, Jessica. So plain and boring!!

    I’d never name my kid something boring. My child will have a name that stands out and I’m sure with a mother like me, they’d be a little crazy so they need a kick ass but lovely name

    I love:
    Rowan for a boy.. Also with my surname it would be
    Rowan Robinson whih sounds so cute

    For a girl I love: arria (ari-u)

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