Everyone Loves the Whizzinator

May 12th, 2005

Everyone Loves the Whizzinator

I glanced at my stats yesterday, and noticed that I was getting an obscene number of hits from people searching for ‘whizzinator’ or ‘original whizzinator’. For the non-steroid users out there, the whizzinator is a fake penis and reservoir for fooling drug tests. I wrote about it a couple of years ago (and here’s a follow-up entry, on what it’s really like to take a doping test).

But why the sudden explosion of interest in this peculiar product? Minnesota Vikings running back Onterrio Smith is under investigation because airport police found several vials of white powder in his luggage. The powder is dried urine, which, as I understand it, gets rehydrated and poured into the Whizzinator. Smith was suspended last season for testing positive for marijuana, which isn’t helping his case.

Comments: 13 Responses so far

Jacqueline Miller
May 12th, 2005
12:27 pm

A friend told me about the Whizzonator. Since I teach a Psychology of Humor class for a University, I thought this was definitely a research topic. I appreciate all of the work you have done on this as it has saved me days of searching the internet.

The Original Whizzinator web site is full of info for those who need to use and still pee free. I’m just disappointed that they don’t have any blue, fuschia, or teal penises - my favorite colors. Or one with stars and stripes for the patriotic users. As a busines consultant I downgrade the Whizzinator folks for not making a line in the pro-team colors so the users can still feel “like one of the guys” and shoot, shoot, shoot for the home team.

But, to their credit, the Whizzinator folks do have one for women.

Wow! An equal opportunity Whizzinator. Only in America!

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Jon Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 7:25 am

well the whole point of the wizzinator is to fool, or try to fool the people who are giving you a drug test. And the whole point of the whizzinator is cause some people, such as my probation officer, actually look at your stuff while you are urinating. And my guess is that once a person sees that you have a purple penis, they are gunna know that you are trying to fool them. I mean come on, if your job was to make sure people are not getting over on you when they take urine tests, and you see that that person has a red white and blue penis with stars, what would you say. come on, i thought you were a teacher.

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Jon Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 7:42 am

Oh and PS, your not funny. stick to teaching. if thats what you do. you probally sit at home on the computer blogging and trying to be funny. Oh and for every one else, the whizzinator has sadly been taken off the market. So if you are trying to get one, your best bet would be to try to find it at a porn or head shop, or you can try to buy it off someone. But ordering it off the computer is probally not going to happen. Maybe a secondary website that is actually a store front, but not anyplace else. Oh yeah, you guys can also try the urinator, its not a actuall fake penis, but its pretty much the same thing as the whizzinator, without the fake penis, just the tubes. And also, you can try to make a makeshift whizzinator, thats what i am doing. I orderd a whole bunch of urine bags and iv tubes off this medical site and im going to try and make one. Shoot, i might buy myself a real looking dildo and drill a whole through it and stick the tube through it. I hope you guys know where this is going. So for all you guys that share my struggle trying to find something thats like the whizzinator to help keep you out of jail, or help you get, or keep your job, For all you guys that are trying to find this GIZMO as the dummy martin who is under this essay im writing calls it. Oh yeah martin, whats more important, a couple bucks, or jail, Dummy. Well for all you out there who get what im saying, keep trying, and if i ever do make my makeshift whizzinator, ill post it up so you can see and try to make your own. Good luck guys. Oh and for all you people that are too stupid to understant the point of the whizzinator, for all you guys that are gunna reply to this to try to have some comebacks and be funny to my reply cause you are simple minded and dont get nothing but for what your mommy and daddy implanted into your drone brains like the teacher above me. go ahead, i dont care, go get some whizzinators and stick it in your butt. Thanks guys. R.I.P Kurt

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martin g
May 12th, 2005
2:58 pm

Why spend your hard-earned on an expensive new gizmo ?

What’s wrong with the ‘ Withnail and I ‘ method ( circa 1987 )

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ballou
April 12th, 2007
12:34 pm

If I have someoneelse’s urine how do i stoer it and how long will it be good.. My test is tommorrow

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lv
October 26th, 2007
11:53 am

I do not think you can store humane pee. It degrades quickly

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CT
September 30th, 2008
4:06 pm

You actually can pass a piss test with someone else’s urine. My friend had his brother piss in a condom right before he left to take his drug screening. You tie the condom in a TIGHT knot afterwards, and immediately tuck it in your pants - the hotter the spot the better (use your imagination). Obtaining the urine right before the test will ensure that no bacteria will grow in the sample (plus it’s wrapped in condom) - the only risk is maintaining the minimum temperature, which I believe is 90 degrees farenheit. That’s why you basically have to tuck it under your balls - your body temperature should automatically keep the urine around 98.5 Just bring along a tack or needle of some sort to puncture the condom when you get there and boo yah! … you’ve got yourself a little make-shift whizzinator. Oh yeah, be very sure not to use a condom with lubricant, spermicide, etc … if you want to give a clean sample anyway.

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joanne
October 20th, 2008
2:01 am

hey… i just recently used the whizzinator and its great guys =] i recomend this to anyone who, like me, has no life.

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chel
November 24th, 2008
11:14 am

I purchased a wizinator for my boyfriend so he could pass his drug test for his DOC officer and he passed with fling colors. than a couple of weeks later he was aprehended after a slow speed chase by the cops for driving with no licence than after the 7 cops followed and arrested him after the cops searched the car they found the wizinator and now I have to order a new one. And they are not cheap. But they deliver them the next day and It works it really does!

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mary jane
January 26th, 2009
11:02 am

yes, the whizzinator definitely works. i am female and used it twice when i worked for the govt because i think it’s ridiculous that they asked for my bodily fluids and that they wouldn’t respect my state’s views on medical marijuana. of course the male one isn’t neccessary for females, but a friend already had one so… i had a dick for a day, it was fun!

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keegncal Reply:
May 7th, 2009 at 5:43 pm

So i am also a female and needing to pass a test for work. It’s nothing big but need to pass. A friend has the whizzinator and i am thinking about strapping it on next week because the home tests keep coming back positive and i cant push it back any further. Any suggestions from any females who strapped it on and made it work? :)

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