In a recent post describing her latest ridiculously high standard (her term–they sound fair enough to me), Jen recounted some shortcomings of a suitor. These included the following crimes:
-HORRIBLE Kisser. Like, worst IÃ¯Â¿Â½ve ever encountered. Sad but true. Although he can, Man should not kiss with (stiff lips and) tongue alone. Picture if you will (or donÃ¯Â¿Â½t if youÃ¯Â¿Â½d prefer not to): open mouth, seal it with other open mouth, swirl tongue around while leaving lips completely still. Drooling ensues.
-He wore pants with pleats. PLEATS!
-Goofy teeth! (Not horribly goofy, but I’m strangely hyper-sensitive about teeth.) For Christ’s sake, your father is a doctor! Don’t tell me you couldn’t have had braces when you were younger!
It’s that middle one that threw me. Pleats are verboten? Why didn’t I get the memo? I know I’m sartorially-challenged, but this had me really worried. Happily, Jen clarified in a later post:
The thing with pleats is that they add extra fabric to to the front of your thighs. If they’re not able to lie absolutely flat from waist to mid-thigh, they’ll just pucker and pooch out and look silly. This means that if your beer-gut prevents you from actually wearing your pants on your natural waist, or means that your body does not have a flat surface from navel to crotch, you can NOT wear pleats.
I actually thought pleats were designed for people with beer guts, in order to give them, you know, some more breathing room. But what do I know?