Addicted to novelty since 2001

Eaten by Murphy

Having worked late last night, I settled down for an afternoon nap. I lay in bed, snoozing and listening to my iPod.

That’s when our wall bed ate me.

Wall (or ‘murphy’) beds are spring-loaded. They’re designed to make it easy for anybody to raise or lower the bed, and they’re calibrated so that when you bring the bed down, it will remain down. The bed is usually fixed to the wall, to keep it open when users add extra weight to the mattress.

As I mentioned a few weeks back, we had a flood. Because of moisture in the walls of our bedroom, our wall bed was shifted to a different wall. It was separated from the the large wardrobe that usually sits beside it

I’m in bed, eyes closed, listening to The Tipping Point. The next thing I know, the bed frame has pulled away from the wall and closed on me like a giant mouth.

It was more shocking than painful. I wasn’t hurt because I was under a duvet, and on my back. Hence, the force of the bed frame was distributed over my entire body. Happily, there’s a gap in the back of the bed frame, so my head wasn’t hit. It did knock the wind out of me, though.

There I am, stuck under the bed, feeling like Captain Hook in the alligator’s mouth. Only my head, shoulders and arms are free. The bed frame is made of solid wood, spring-loaded and the width of a double-bed. I’ve got the musculature of an 11-year-old boy, so there was no chance I was going to be able to flip the bed off me.

I could reach my phone. However, I didn’t much fancy the idea of some burly firemen entering my suite to slide my unclothed body out from the yawning mouth of the bed.

Eventually, after moving aside all the bedding, I was able to squeeze myself out of the gap between the bed frame and mattress sections. Thank goodness for the regular exercise I’ve been doing over the past few months. Another 10 or 15 pounds and I’d have been stuck like a fat rat in a trap.

Happily, the carpenter has already arrived to resolve the issue and ensure that the bed doesn’t eat anybody else. It’s a cautionary tale, though. Should you ever sleep in a wall bed–check how well it’s fastened to the wall.

6 Responses to “Eaten by Murphy”

  1. Gail

    That’s the second funniest thing I’ve read all day. Very descriptive. I take it a photo was impossible…?(cameraphone? kidding…)

    I was almost eaten by a sofabed when I was trying to push it back together. Damn springs.

  2. Rob

    Darren, that’s awesome. I laughed out loud picturing that whole ordeal. Do you have your concierge on speed dial for next time? :)

  3. rebekah

    After a day of pulling out my hair writing my thesis, this was EXACTLY what I needed to read. I nearly lost it. Thanks, db — and I’m glad you escaped (relatively) unscathed.

  4. Heather

    You know, you hear about these things happening, but it’s still funny.

    (glad you weren’t hurt, though. The bed would never have been able to live with itself)

  5. Leya

    Holy Crap, I’ve just gutted myself laughing. I literally just bought one this evening. I think I will have an engineer come in to fix it to the wall now. Glad you survived to write about your adventurous afternoon. Thanks for the great before bed laugh…

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