Addicted to novelty since 2001

If You Were a Teleporter, What Legitimate Jobs Could You Do?

While sick and bored this weekend, I wanted to watch a mindless movie. I opted for Jumper, a poorly-reviewed, big budget starring the wooden Hayden Christiansen, the foxy Rachel Bilson and the inflexible Samuel L. Jackson. It’s one promise was that Doug Liman directed, but that failed to redeem it.

In the film, Christiansen plays David Rice, who discovers as a young man that he can teleport. The rules of this power are a little fuzzy, but he seems to be able to ‘jump’ to any place he can picture in his mind’s eye. Another ‘jumper’ in the film is able to transport “about two tons” of stuff, both organic and inorganic with him. David, of course, starts robbing banks.

Lying in bed with a slight fever, I wondered what legal jobs a teleporter might be good at. Here’s what I came up with:

  • Personal bodyguard – He can instantly teleport his client of out harm’s way.
  • Courier – When you really need it there by 10:01am. This also applies to human transport.
  • Mercenary or spy – Obviously there are lots of possibilities for stealthy incursion and sabotage.

That’s all I could think of. Do you have any ideas?

15 Responses to “If You Were a Teleporter, What Legitimate Jobs Could You Do?”

  1. Raul

    Surveyor in large geographical areas (he/she could teleport to anywhere where his/her expertise surveying would be needed.

  2. Travis

    Courier — it covers so *many* possible things that need transport, that it sort of trumps all other suggestions. For instance — drugs, radioactive material, explosives, substances that need to be protected from exposure to dust, air, etc.

    Medical — transporting patients, supplies, etc.

    Construction / moving — being able to move fragile or oversized objects in and out of a space.

  3. Ianiv

    Build an impenetrable fortress deep underground, no way in or out except for you. People can then pay you to store things there.

  4. David

    How about an Astronaut. Give him a spacesuit and you’d save a ton on fuel (for return trip and subsequent visits, according to ‘the rules’ of the story.)

  5. alexis

    Journalist. You’d easily be able to get to the scene of a crime or an interview. Travelling time would no longer be a factor and you could scoop everyone.

  6. Sean

    I’d have to go with either hazardous waste disposal ( think David’s astronaut style thing, but hauling 2-ton blocks of scary waste into space ), or chauffeur for the insanely rich.

  7. Helen

    Pizza Delivery Person? You’d need to know the area around your shop well, but the pizza would be guaranteed to arrive piping hot in under 30 minutes!

  8. Gregg

    If you were one of the ones capable of hauling people and things along with you; how much do you think the very rich would pay you to business and pleasure travel into a 2 minute affair. If they will pay thousands for First Class and limos to and from the airport, they’d pay ridiculous amounts to cut all that out. A couple of hours work a day could see you transporting a dozen people plus their luggage, making you richer than your snobby clients.

    And that could be your fee just for a pre-booked travel time. You could even charge extra for last minute travel, a diva could decide she wants to eat breakfast in Paris, you teleport into her house as soon as she calls and have her in Paris a minute later.

  9. Roshan

    Salesman. thief. politician. cop. journalist. tennis player (or any sports professional who play all over the globe every year). king. queen.

  10. Light & Dark

    I like Travis’s idea of Bomb Disposal Expert.

    Teleport the bomb to an isolated, safe place, then instantly teleport out again before the bomb has had time to start its explosive reaction.

    Think of all those TV plots with the timer ticking down that would be ruined!

    Paul

  11. Lincoln

    Get home safely after partying all day & night. Then have that teleporter filter out the drugs & alcohol so you feel right as rain when you get home. Wallah, No more DUI’s!

  12. Chris

    I think I’m gonna have to go with Monique on this one! That made me crack up! Truly! :D

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