Darren Barefoot
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August 6, 2003

I haven't actually seen this movie. Though I'm a movie slut, and will see nearly anything, this movie is below even my tolerance level. I'm not going to add to the tidal wave of vitriol that Gigli is(apparently deservedly) receiving, but I've just got a couple of minor notes. First, though, I can't go any further without quoting from a couple of reviews:

"A recent episode of South Park suggested that a fourth-grader's hand puppet could turn in a better performance than Ms. Lopez, and in the case of Gigli, it's hard to argue."-- Luke Y. Thompson

"It's worth knowing how to pronounce Gigli because it will enter the vocabulary as a word meaning 'massive box-office flop; an embarrassment caused by Hollywood's inability to say no to powerful creative types. See also: Ishtar.'"-- Jeffrey Westhoff

Now that's cinematic criticism. I see that it's also beaten out From Justin to Kelly for worst movie ever on IMDB.

But to the point. Most of you probably already know this, but Ms. Lopez plays a lesbian in this film. That's right, her character's gay. So there's no nooky, and presumably very little romantic or sexual tension. But does the studio want you to know that? Nope. Hence the carefully-edited trailer which hints at it, but never actually says it. And why the movie poster is all touchy-feely, but in a vague sort of way.

But I must credit Mr. Affleck (there's sentence you won't read again in this blog anytime soon). He's admitted that it's a bad movie. Albeit, with a bizarre metaphor, but whatever:

“The movie didn’t work,” Affleck tells Daily Variety. “We tried to fix it but it was like putting a fish’s tail on a donkey’s head.”

Encouraginly, in Kevin Smith's new film Jersey Girl, which also stars Mr. Affleck and Ms. Lopez, the latter dies early in the picture and is replaced as love interest by Liv Tyler. Nice.


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