October 1, 2002

.NET Saves Boy Down Well

Wilfred Seymour Davis-Larson, Techno-Journalist

In the early hours of the morning, .NET, Microsoft's platform for XML Web services, saved a five-year-old boy who fell down a well in Ottumwa, Iowa. Erwin Trickle apparently fell down the thirty foot well and became stuck while in pursuit of a prairie dog. Local authorities were alerted, and spent 16 hours at the site attempting to remove the boy from the narrow opening.

At his wit's end, Ottumwa Sherriff Buck Bettendorf contacted Microsoft's head office in Redmond, Washington, hoping for a solution. Bettendorf spoke with Microsoft Solutions, who assured him that .NET could solve any problem he might encounter. "I was durned skeptical at first," Bettendorf stated, "but them folks in Washington told me that this .NET 'enables an unprecedented level of software integration through the use of XML Web services: small, discrete, building-block applications that connect to each other--as well as to other, larger applications--via the Internet.' Well, I said to my deputy, if that ain't gonna save little Erwin, nothing will."

The Sherriff's Office IT expert spent the next 34 hours installing .NET on the department computer network. Bettendorf applauded the simple installation process. "We had to put an extension onto the kitchen to store all the CDs, but other than that it was easier than shooting pigs in a barrel". During the delay, the boy was forced to devour the prairie dog who shared his plight.

The architecture of savior. As a photo was unavailable, Little Erwin
is represented by BackStreet Boy Kevin "Train" Richardson.

Bettendorf described the rescue process. "Once the thing was installed, well, hell, it pretty-much ran itself. I guess that's why they call it 'no-touch' deployment. We just fired that baby up and wizz-bang-a-doodle, it had that boy out of the well in a matter of minutes. Plus, it balanced the department's books, got us some apple fritters and impregnated our receptionist, Mary-Lou. This .NET Framework is the cat's meow. Course, we're still not exactly sure what it is. Nobody at Microsoft could tell us, either."